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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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작성자: 김*인
2025-05-07 1001

회원님의 영작문

In my opinion, tourism plays a quite important role in Korea but its weight is not that large.
In economic point of view, Korea doesn't depend a lot on the tourism. As I know, since Korea is a peninsula country, it has developed to date mostly through trades and still relies on them a lot. This geological factor also caused foreign tourists hard to come to travel before because of long distance so that Korea's economic foundation is not based on tourism either.
On the other hand in perspective of social globalization, I believe that tourism played a major role for some Korean industries to make a new path all around the world. Through tourism, Korean cultures were able to be spread throughout the world and it let people to get interested in Korea. These concerns about the cultures extended to industries and technologies, and this was one of the factors that triggered globalization of things in Korea.
Therefore, I think significance of tourism in Korean industry is moderate.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! Your mention of tourism helping spread Korean culture around the world really resonated with me. I could feel your pride in Korea's global influence. Also, I found the point about Korea being a peninsula and how that affected tourism really interesting.
-T. Sonny 
In my opinion, tourism plays a quite important role in Korea but its weight is not that large.
>>In my opinion, tourism plays a fairly important role in Korea, but its overall weight is not very large.
In economic point of view, Korea doesn't depend a lot on the tourism. 
>>From an economic point of view, Korea doesn’t depend heavily on tourism.
As I know, since Korea is a peninsula country, it has developed to date mostly through trades and still relies on them a lot. 
>>As far as I know, since Korea is a peninsula, it has mostly developed through trade and still relies on it significantly.
This geological factor also caused foreign tourists hard to come to travel before because of long distance so that Korea's economic foundation is not based on tourism either.
>>This geographical factor also made it difficult for foreign tourists to visit in the past due to the long distance, so tourism has never been a major part of Korea’s economic foundation.
On the other hand in perspective of social globalization, I believe that tourism played a major role for some Korean industries to make a new path all around the world. 
>>On the other hand, from the perspective of social globalization, I believe tourism has played a major role in opening new paths for some Korean industries around the world.
Through tourism, Korean cultures were able to be spread throughout the world and it let people to get interested in Korea. 
>>Through tourism, Korean culture has been spread globally, which sparked people’s interest in Korea.
These concerns about the cultures extended to industries and technologies, and this was one of the factors that triggered globalization of things in Korea.
>>This growing interest in Korean culture extended to industries and technologies, becoming one of the factors that contributed to Korea’s globalization.
Therefore, I think significance of tourism in Korean industry is moderate.
>>Therefore, I think the significance of tourism in Korean industry is moderate.

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