¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

parents affect their children

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¹Ì
2025-05-09 640

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
I takes after my father.
I have two children.
I had difficulty in talking with them.
now I try to listen to their stories.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Judy.  Please go over the revisions given below. Happy Friday! 


Cheers,
Jean~~





my father is very strict and has a lot of rules. he makes me very sensitive to everything.
>>> My father is very strict and has many rules, which have made me very sensitive to everything.

he doesn't like talking back and wants to follow his words.
it finds me difficult to express myself.
>>> He dislikes being questioned and expects his words to be obeyed, which makes it hard for me to express my thoughts.

I takes after my father.
>>> I take after my father.

I have two children. I had difficulty in talking with them.
>>> I have two children, and I have difficulty talking with them.

now I try to listen to their stories.
>>> I¡¯m working on being more attentive when they share their stories.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143590 How does the etiquette of eating together in your country differ... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 975
143589 Do you think public transport should be free for everyone? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 692
143588 Why bother living? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 840
143587 Have you ever experienced a toxic work environment? How did you... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 850
143586 Hello! ÀÓ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2
143585 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143584 0410 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143583 What do you think is the best way to stay focused before a break? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2
143582 09Apr2025-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1020
143581 Celebrity ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 988
143580 Does Korea rely too much on the U.S. for trade and defense? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 870
143579 crack down ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 990
143578 What Korean culture or tradition would you like to continue to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 923
143577 opic test question ¼®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143576 Are you satisfied with the changes happening around you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 807
143575 Describe your dream house. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 908
143574 How can people convince you to believe something? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1032
143573 What activities disrupt a healthy lifestyle? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 800
143572 Next topic ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 906
143571 IELTS SPEAKING 4 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04