¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D2 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-05-12 645

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D2 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Aiden! Thanks for sending me your essay! You're off to a strong start with your ideas, and your essay shows clear structure and relevant personal experiences. However, it could benefit from several improvements in grammar, word choice, and clarity. Here's a detailed set of comments to help you improve it
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society? (250 words)


While I agree that when many tasks in society are shifted from humans to computers, it can lead to problems such as job loss and decline in human intelligence, I personally think that I personally think that these changes will bring more positive effects overall. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While I agree that automating many tasks in society can lead to problems such as job loss and a decline in human intelligence, I believe these changes will have more positive effects overall. In this essay, I will explain why.

 

The first reason is a security issue.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


For example, when I worked in first company for about ten years ago, all the tasks were done by hand such as security related documents and install software on a computer. 

REVISED: For example, when I worked in first company for about ten years ago, all the tasks were done by hand such as security related documents and install software on a computer.


At that time, important documents were deleted because security solutions were not properly installed on the computer.

REVISED: At that time, important documents were deleted because security solutions were not properly installed on the computer.


If the documents were a personal information document, it would have been a serious problem.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


 Since then, all of the company business systems have been all documents are stored on the computer and checked through an automated inspection solution and install security software automatically. 

REVISED: Since then, all of the company business systems have been all documents are stored on the computer and checked through an automated inspection solution and install security software automatically.


The system has replaced the inspection work done by humans, making it safer.

The second reason is work efficiency. Nowadays, most workers are using an artificial intelligent solution such as ChatGPT, Copilot and Bing for their works. In my case, I often use to ChatGPT when I need to Idea. It reduces my working hours by about 50 percent. For example, most of my work is to apply new ideas to projects, which used to take a lot of time to find information when I ran out of ideas, but after using AI solution, there is a lot of time to find many information, so I have created more ideas.

 >>> CORRECT~!^^


Therefore, Due to these reasons, I believe that the replacement of human jobs by machines in the future can be a positive development.

REVISED: Therefore, Due to these reasons, I believe that the replacement of human jobs by machines in the future can be a positive development.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142644 Is getting a divorce a wise decision? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1182
142643 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142642 How do you define violence? Why do you think violence occurs in... Á¤*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1048
142641 The homework for February 19th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1097
142640 Why do you think body language is important? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1308
142639 The five ways to protect our bodies, especially washing hands ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142638 What is your favorite shop in your neighborhood, and why? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 2
142637 At night~ Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1238
142636 2025.02.20 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1467
142635 If you could go on vacation anywhere in the world for free,... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142634 Homework🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1243
142633 introduction of yourself ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1186
142632 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1168
142631 How important is patience for a violin class leader? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1058
142630 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1166
142629 young fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142628 hurt ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1
142627 2/19 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1225
142626 Are there many Koreans who change their names ? What is usually... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1322
142625 MY MBTI ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1133

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04