무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

D2 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-05-12 542

회원님의 영작문



D2 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Aiden! Thanks for sending me your essay! You're off to a strong start with your ideas, and your essay shows clear structure and relevant personal experiences. However, it could benefit from several improvements in grammar, word choice, and clarity. Here's a detailed set of comments to help you improve it
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society? (250 words)


While I agree that when many tasks in society are shifted from humans to computers, it can lead to problems such as job loss and decline in human intelligence, I personally think that I personally think that these changes will bring more positive effects overall. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While I agree that automating many tasks in society can lead to problems such as job loss and a decline in human intelligence, I believe these changes will have more positive effects overall. In this essay, I will explain why.

 

The first reason is a security issue.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


For example, when I worked in first company for about ten years ago, all the tasks were done by hand such as security related documents and install software on a computer. 

REVISED: For example, when I worked in first company for about ten years ago, all the tasks were done by hand such as security related documents and install software on a computer.


At that time, important documents were deleted because security solutions were not properly installed on the computer.

REVISED: At that time, important documents were deleted because security solutions were not properly installed on the computer.


If the documents were a personal information document, it would have been a serious problem.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


 Since then, all of the company business systems have been all documents are stored on the computer and checked through an automated inspection solution and install security software automatically. 

REVISED: Since then, all of the company business systems have been all documents are stored on the computer and checked through an automated inspection solution and install security software automatically.


The system has replaced the inspection work done by humans, making it safer.

The second reason is work efficiency. Nowadays, most workers are using an artificial intelligent solution such as ChatGPT, Copilot and Bing for their works. In my case, I often use to ChatGPT when I need to Idea. It reduces my working hours by about 50 percent. For example, most of my work is to apply new ideas to projects, which used to take a lot of time to find information when I ran out of ideas, but after using AI solution, there is a lot of time to find many information, so I have created more ideas.

 >>> CORRECT~!^^


Therefore, Due to these reasons, I believe that the replacement of human jobs by machines in the future can be a positive development.

REVISED: Therefore, Due to these reasons, I believe that the replacement of human jobs by machines in the future can be a positive development.


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
143344 Money tree. 김*님 완료 2025-04-01 786
143343 s 조*희 완료 2025-04-01 882
143342 I wrote book review about \'How the World Rand Our of... 이*형 완료 2025-04-01 1057
143341 s 조*희 완료 2025-04-01 743
143340 . 김*인 완료 2025-03-31 759
143339 homework 김*연 완료 2025-03-31 0
143338 . 김*인 완료 2025-03-31 774
143337 What do you consider first when liking music, the lyrics or the... 이*윤 완료 2025-03-31 839
143336 Camping! 김*운 완료 2025-03-31 803
143335 homework 김*우 완료 2025-03-31 1
143334 Have you ever felt that painting takes too much time and effort? 신*규 완료 2025-03-31 719
143333 homework 김*은 완료 2025-03-31 728
143332 homework 김*은 완료 2025-03-31 855
143331 homework 김*은 완료 2025-03-31 814
143330 homework 김*은 완료 2025-03-31 787
143329 No, I\'m not a creative person. 유*빈 완료 2025-03-31 906
143328 Now that you have already retired from work, what makes your day... 이*희 완료 2025-03-31 821
143327 Change topic 김*연 완료 2025-03-31 796
143326 What is one famous tourist attraction in another country that... 권*진 완료 2025-03-31 1
143325 What are the most common problems in electric cars? 노*철 완료 2025-03-31 798

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]