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D3 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-05-14 16

회원님의 영작문



D3 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Aiden! A fine afternoon to you! Your essay presents a clear opinion that technological development is more beneficial in reducing crime than it is in encouraging it, which is a strong and relevant stance. You support your argument with real-life examples, such as the use of CCTV. Overall, your argument is well-structured and thoughtful, but it would benefit from a more balanced discussion and some language refinement.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

Q. Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

 

While I agree that technology development increases crime such as digital cybercrime, phishing and identity theft, I personally think that technology development is more effective in preventing crime, likes CCTV, facial recognition systems. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While some argue that technological development encourages crime by enabling cyberattacks, phishing, and identity theft, I believe that it plays a more crucial role in preventing crime. Technologies such as CCTV and facial recognition systems have significantly improved law enforcement capabilities.

 

The first reason is CCTV. According to an article I read, after CCTV cameras were installed in Korea, the crime rate has dropped by approximately 70% compared to ten years ago. This has helped prevent crimes such as sexual offenses and assaults. Also, compared to countries where CCTV is relatively uninstalled, it is said that the violent crime rate was about 90% different. Considering these points, the technology development is very important for our society.

REVISED: The first reason is the impact of CCTV cameras. According to an article I read, after CCTV cameras were installed in South Korea, the crime rate dropped by approximately 70% compared to ten years ago. This significant decline has helped prevent crimes such as sexual offenses and assaults. Additionally, in countries where CCTV installation is less widespread, the violent crime rate is reportedly around 90% higher. These statistics highlight the importance of technological development in enhancing public safety.


The Second reason is facial recognition systems. Advances in the system helped the police catch the suspect within a few hours. In my friend case, his name is Mr. Sim, and he works as a Korean police officer. When he hadn’t been able to find a criminal for months during Covid-19, the criminal accidentally used face authentication to authenticate his mobile bank, so the details of the certification were received by the police, and it was said that it was an opportunity to catch criminals. If these systems had not developed, there would have been fewer ways to find criminals.

REVISED: The second reason is the use of facial recognition systems. Advances in facial recognition technology have helped law enforcement catch criminals more quickly. For instance, a friend of mine, Mr. Sim, who works as a police officer in Korea, shared an experience where a criminal was apprehended just hours after committing a crime. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the suspect accidentally used facial authentication to access his mobile banking app. This action triggered a notification to the police, which led to the swift identification and apprehension of the criminal. If facial recognition technology had not been available, the police would have had fewer means to track down the suspect.

 

Due to these reasons, I believe that the technology development decreases crime, and it can help for our society.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that technological development plays a crucial role in reducing crime and enhancing the safety of society.




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