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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you believe that a home reflects a person\'s identiy, culture, and experiences ? if yes, why ? if

작성자: 박*호
2025-05-14 107

회원님의 영작문

I believe a home reflects a person's identity, culture, and experience. However, I rather think that a home affects the identity and personality of family members as a whole. In particular, I think it has a greater impact on children.
So in Korea, we are careful about what we say and do around children. And we try to say and do positive things as much as possible. In my case, I grew up in a very strict family. So I always obeyed my parents and couldn't do most of what I wanted.
When raising my two daughters, I always tried to listen to their opinions and give them what they wanted as much as possible, based on my experience.
I feel good seeing my daughters always living with a positive attitude.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Wow, I'm in awe of your answer—I almost clapped, seriously! 😄 I completely agree with you. You're doing a great job as a father. As a daughter myself, I would find that kind of atmosphere really encouraging and uplifting. It's interesting how we can either choose to shape our home based on our personality or let the home shape who we become.
~ T. Ezra

I believe a home reflects a person's identity, culture, and experience. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> To me, a person’s home reveals their values, culture, and personal journey.
However, I rather think that a home affects the identity and personality of family members as a whole. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> At the same time, I believe a home influences the identity and behavior of everyone living in it.
In particular, I think it has a greater impact on children.
>> CORRECT
Or >> This is especially true for children, who are more easily influenced.
So in Korea, we are careful about what we say and do around children. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> In Korean culture, we’re very mindful of our words and actions in front of children.
And we try to say and do positive things as much as possible. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> As much as we can, we try to set a good example with our attitude.
In my case, I grew up in a very strict family. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> My upbringing was very strict and controlled.
So I always obeyed my parents and couldn't do most of what I wanted.
>> CORRECT
Or >> I was expected to follow all the rules and had little personal freedom.
When raising my two daughters, I always tried to listen to their opinions and give them what they wanted as much as possible, based on my experience.
>> CORRECT
Or >> While raising my two daughters, I tried to understand their needs and respect their opinions, unlike what I experienced.
I feel good seeing my daughters always living with a positive attitude.
>> CORRECT
Or >> Watching them grow up with a healthy mindset makes me very happy.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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03
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04

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