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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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In your view, is it possible to have both a fulfilling career and a happy family life in the current

작성자: 김*경
2025-05-14 520

회원님의 영작문

Yes, it is possible to have both of them because of three factors as followed:
First, remote work, hybrid schedules, and flexible hours have become more common, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic. This allows parents to better integrate work and family responsibilities. Secondly, more people are redefining success to include meaningful relationships, especially between family members — not just income or title at work. This cultural shift and the change of perception makes it more easy to prioritize family over work. Lastly, There’s growing awareness around parental leave and work-life balance at work. Some companies actively support employees with childcare benefits.
However, as I mentioned above, it is possible but not automatic. It requires more, such as a supportive partner, workplace that values work-life balance, and time management skills. Above all, what you define fulfilling and happy life is most important because it can shape our life’s happiness and purpose to live.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve, 
Thank you for taking the time to answer this essay. :)
I totally agree with you on this! I hope that a better work setup is accessible to all the employees worldwide. 
- Teacher Elly~


Yes, it is possible to have both of them because of three factors as followed:
>> Yes, it is possible to have both of them because of the following three factors:
OR >> Yes, it is possible to have both of them if these three factors are followed: 

First, remote work, hybrid schedules, and flexible hours have become more common, especially after the COVID-19 pandemic. 
>> CORRECT

This allows parents to better integrate work and family responsibilities. 
>> CORRECT

Secondly, more people are redefining success to include meaningful relationships, especially between family members — not just income or title at work. 
>> CORRECT
OR >> Secondly, more people are redefining success to include meaningful relationships, especially among family members, and not just income or job title.

This cultural shift and the change of perception makes it more easy to prioritize family over work. 
>> This cultural shift and the change of perception make it easier to prioritize family over work. 

Lastly, There’s growing awareness around parental leave and work-life balance at work. Some companies actively support employees with childcare benefits.
>> Lastly, there’s growing awareness around parental leave and work-life balance at work. Some companies actively support employees with childcare benefits.
OR >> Lastly, there is a growing awareness of parental leave and work-life balance in the workplace. Some companies actively support employees by offering childcare benefits

However, as I mentioned above, it is possible but not automatic. It requires more, such as a supportive partner, workplace that values work-life balance, and time management skills. 
>> However, as I mentioned above, it is possible but not automatic. It requires more, such as a supportive partner, a workplace that values work-life balance, and time management skills. 
OR >> However, as mentioned above, it is possible but not automatic. It requires additional factors, such as a supportive partner, a workplace that values work-life balance, and strong time management skills.

Above all, what you define fulfilling and happy life is most important because it can shape our life’s happiness and purpose to live.
>> Above all, how you define a fulfilling and happy life is most important, as it shapes your sense of happiness and purpose.
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