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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

What major changes did you have to make when moving from the countryside to the city ?

작성자: 박*호
2025-05-16 682

회원님의 영작문

I am from a very rural area and first came to Seoul in 1986 when I was 19 years old to study at university. It was my first time living away from my parents.
Unlike the countryside where I lived, Seoul has a lot of people, a lot of cars, and very complicated roads, so I sometimes got lost.
The cost of living was so high that I had to work part-time because the money my parents sent me wasn't enough. And I had a lot of culture shock at first. Because my dialect was different from the way my classmates in Seoul spoke, I was teased. At that time, I was an introvert, so it took me a long time to make friends. On the other hand, my friends in Seoul were outgoing, talked well, and were good at presenting in class.
Fortunately, later on, my friends understood me well and invited me to their homes, so I was able to adapt well to life in Seoul.
I graduated from college in 1990, and 35 years have passed since then, but I still regularly meet up with my college friends and talk about those days.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Soonho, thanks for sharing your journey during that time. It must have been so challenging to adjust, but due to your strong mentality and endurance, you were able to go through it and eventually made a good situation out of it. These experiences are like gold and are very nice to reminisce about as time passes by. By the way, very nice sentences and good structure as well!
~ T. Ezra

I am from a very rural area and first came to Seoul in 1986 when I was 19 years old to study at university. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> I come from a rural area and moved to Seoul in 1986 at the age of 19 to attend university. 
It was my first time living away from my parents.
>> CORRECT
Or >> This was my first experience living independently from my parents.
Unlike the countryside where I lived, Seoul has a lot of people, a lot of cars, and very complicated roads, so I sometimes got lost.
>> CORRECT
Or >> Unlike the countryside, Seoul was bustling with people, traffic, and complex streets, which often caused me to get lost.
The cost of living was so high that I had to work part-time because the money my parents sent me wasn't enough. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> Due to the high cost of living, I took a part-time job since the financial support from my parents was insufficient.
And I had a lot of culture shock at first. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> Additionally, I encountered culture shock.
Because my dialect was different from the way my classmates in Seoul spoke, I was teased. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> Because my dialect differed from that of my Seoul classmates, it led to some teasing.
At that time, I was an introvert, so it took me a long time to make friends. 
>> CORRECT
Or >> Being an introverted person, I found it difficult to make friends initially.
On the other hand, my friends in Seoul were outgoing, talked well, and were good at presenting in class.
>> CORRECT
Or >> In contrast, my friends in Seoul were sociable, confident speakers, and excelled at class presentations.
Fortunately, later on, my friends understood me well and invited me to their homes, so I was able to adapt well to life in Seoul.
>> CORRECT
Or >> But gradually, my classmates accepted me, invited me over, and I started to feel at home.
I graduated from college in 1990, and 35 years have passed since then, but I still regularly meet up with my college friends and talk about those days.
>> CORRECT
Or >> I graduated in 1990, and although 35 years have passed, I continue to keep in touch with my university friends and reminisce about those times.
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