¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D4 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-05-16 897

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D4 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Aiden! Good job for the practice today! Thanks for your essay too! Here's a constructive evaluation with specific comments and suggestions for improvement. I'll follow with a revised version at the end if you'd like.
 >>> TEACHER GEMMA

Q. Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discus both views and give your opinion.

 

While I agree that television (TV) can only function as entertainment, such as watching comic shows and talk shows, I personally believe that TV can lead in a better direction than another element likes books and newspapers. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


One reason why some people say that TV is impractical for study. As more, sometimes comic program shows to slapstick violence used for laughs and unrealistic problem-solving that would never work in real life. For example, when a serious situation occurs in comic shows, the problem is solved with laughter or strange behavior. This is really bad for people who are just starting their social life.

REVISED: One reason some people believe that TV is impractical for studying is because many comedy programs rely on slapstick violence and unrealistic problem-solving for entertainment. For example, when a serious situation arises in a comedy show, it is often resolved through laughter or bizarre behavior rather than logical thinking. This can be harmful, especially for young viewers or those just beginning to build their social understanding, as it may give them the wrong idea about how to handle real-life problems.


However, I believe that TV has show important role. One key example is a lot of TV shows. Among Korean programs is teaching to student for them improve school grades. The show features professional instructors who specializing in college entrance exams, and they teach students who have concerns about their academic style. This is incredibly useful and very helpful for students with the same concerns.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


Another important reason is an experience. Sometimes they produce travel programs, which give an indirect experience to people who can¡¯t travel realistically. Out of the Korean travel show, there is a program that travels to countries on the board depending on the number of dice that are thrown like a game. After watching this program, anyone will be able to feel the experience of traveling to various countries.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


Due to these reasons, I believe that although television may not be useful for study, it solves to problem for study and helps to indirect experience.

REVISED: I believe that although television may not always be ideal for studying, it can support education and provide valuable indirect experiences.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142572 What lifestyle in Japan do you want to adopt in Korea? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1141
142571 What do you think of blind dates? Does it pose dangers to women? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1514
142570 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1149
142569 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1
142568 the earth ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 2
142567 Do you consider yourself knowledgeable about current events? Why... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1373
142566 What do you enjoy the most about camping? (having conversation,... ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 953
142565 What do you do if you look pale but not sick? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1225
142564 I love pizza. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1354
142563 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1
142562 The homework of 14th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1337
142561 The masterpiece of god ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 0
142560 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1301
142559 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1434
142558 homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1144
142557 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1289
142556 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1045
142555 How often do you order food delivery, and what¡¯s your favorite... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 977
142554 I attatched the homework file🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1108
142553 Leisure time ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1387

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04