¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D4 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-05-16 916

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D4 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Aiden! Good job for the practice today! Thanks for your essay too! Here's a constructive evaluation with specific comments and suggestions for improvement. I'll follow with a revised version at the end if you'd like.
 >>> TEACHER GEMMA

Q. Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is useful only for entertainment. Discus both views and give your opinion.

 

While I agree that television (TV) can only function as entertainment, such as watching comic shows and talk shows, I personally believe that TV can lead in a better direction than another element likes books and newspapers. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


One reason why some people say that TV is impractical for study. As more, sometimes comic program shows to slapstick violence used for laughs and unrealistic problem-solving that would never work in real life. For example, when a serious situation occurs in comic shows, the problem is solved with laughter or strange behavior. This is really bad for people who are just starting their social life.

REVISED: One reason some people believe that TV is impractical for studying is because many comedy programs rely on slapstick violence and unrealistic problem-solving for entertainment. For example, when a serious situation arises in a comedy show, it is often resolved through laughter or bizarre behavior rather than logical thinking. This can be harmful, especially for young viewers or those just beginning to build their social understanding, as it may give them the wrong idea about how to handle real-life problems.


However, I believe that TV has show important role. One key example is a lot of TV shows. Among Korean programs is teaching to student for them improve school grades. The show features professional instructors who specializing in college entrance exams, and they teach students who have concerns about their academic style. This is incredibly useful and very helpful for students with the same concerns.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


Another important reason is an experience. Sometimes they produce travel programs, which give an indirect experience to people who can¡¯t travel realistically. Out of the Korean travel show, there is a program that travels to countries on the board depending on the number of dice that are thrown like a game. After watching this program, anyone will be able to feel the experience of traveling to various countries.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD PARAGRAPH!


Due to these reasons, I believe that although television may not be useful for study, it solves to problem for study and helps to indirect experience.

REVISED: I believe that although television may not always be ideal for studying, it can support education and provide valuable indirect experiences.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142478 When was the last time you faced a difficult situation? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 2
142477 What kinds of personality traits do you hate? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1280
142476 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 0
142475 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 0
142474 I like looking at the moon. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1334
142473 expectation in class and teacher ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1205
142472 Homework3 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1420
142471 Homwork2 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1424
142470 The homework of 11th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1243
142469 Bugogi ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 2
142468 Inspiring and disappointing movies È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1406
142467 When I upset.. È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1433
142466 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1538
142465 What can the society/government do to ensure or strengthen... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1411
142464 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1274
142463 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1271
142462 What makes life beautiful? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1
142461 How do you measure your improvement in a specific field? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1418
142460 ping pong ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1
142459 good citizen? ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-12 1452

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04