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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is the best surprise you ever had?

작성자: 이*윤
2025-05-17 803

회원님의 영작문

There are several, but now I remember two.
One is about my birthday.
My birthday is August. When I went to school, I couldn't invite my friend to my birthday party because it was summer vacation. And when I was a university student, I had to go back to my dorm to prepare for the memester. So, I always felt sorry for my birthday.
But when I was in high school, my friends called me to an empty classroom and gave me surprise birthday party. I was surprised and I was happy that my friends congratulated me on my birthday.
The other is about my younger brother.
When he was in the army, he came back home for his vacation without telling our family.
When I saw him coming home, I was surprised, so I sat down on the floor, and I cried a lot. He didn't expected my reacation, smoothed me.
But I told him. "What a suprise vacation! It's good to surprise our family, but don't do this again. I almost died of a herat attack now."

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Yun!

This is such a beautiful and touching story. Your memories were not just written well, they were full of heart and honesty. I could truly feel how important these moments were to you. Your writing made me smile, especially when your brother surprised you. I could imagine you crying on the floor, overwhelmed with emotion. That kind of reaction shows how strong your family bond is, and how much you love each other.

Your birthday memory was also very special. Having a birthday in August during vacation time can feel lonely, so when your high school friends surprised you, it must have felt extra meaningful. You captured that moment so well. Your feelings were clear and sincere. You organized your ideas well, and your emotions made the writing shine.

Your voice is very warm, kind, and expressive. That is a gift. You are improving so well in English, and you’re not just using the language, you’re using it to connect with others emotionally. That is something special. Great job! Keep writing like this!

~Teacher Cathy

 

There are several, but now I remember two.

CORRECT

OR>> There have been a few memorable surprises in my life, but two in particular stand out.

One is about my birthday.

CORRECT

OR>> The first one was on my birthday.

My birthday is August.

>> My birthday is in August.

OR>> My birthday is in August, which usually falls during summer vacation.

When I went to school, I couldn't invite my friend to my birthday party because it was summer vacation.

>>When I was in school, I couldn’t invite my friends to my birthday party because it was during summer vacation.

OR>> When I was in school, I couldn’t invite friends to celebrate with me because everyone was on break.

And when I was a university student, I had to go back to my dorm to prepare for the memester.

>>When I was a university student, I had to go back to my dorm to prepare for the semester.

OR>> Even in university, I had to return to the dorm early to prepare for the new semester.

So, I always felt sorry for my birthday.

So I always felt sad about my birthday.

OR>> Because of that, I always felt a bit sad around my birthday.

But when I was in high school, my friends called me to an empty classroom and gave me surprise birthday party.

But when I was in high school, my friends called me to an empty classroom and threw me a surprise birthday party.

OR>>But one year, when I was in high school, my friends secretly planned a surprise party for me. They called me into an empty classroom, and when I walked in, they were all there, ready to celebrate.

 I was surprised and I was happy that my friends congratulated me on my birthday.

I was surprised and happy that my friends celebrated my birthday.

OR>> I was completely surprised, and so touched. It meant a lot to me that they remembered and made the effort to make my birthday special.

The other is about my younger brother.

CORRECT

OR>> The second surprise was from my younger brother.

When he was in the army, he came back home for his vacation without telling our family.

CORRECT

OR>> At the time, he was serving in the military. One day, during his vacation, he came home without telling anyone in advance.

When I saw him coming home, I was surprised, so I sat down on the floor, and I cried a lot.

When I saw him come home, I was so surprised that I sat down on the floor and cried a lot.

OR>> When I saw him walk through the door, I was so shocked that I dropped to the floor and started crying.

He didn't expected my reacation, smoothed me.

He didn’t expect my reaction and comforted me.

OR>>I had missed him so much. He didn’t expect such a strong reaction and tried to comfort me.

But I told him. "What a suprise vacation! It's good to surprise our family, but don't do this again. I almost died of a herat attack now."

But I told him, “What a surprise vacation! It’s nice to surprise our family, but don’t do this again, I almost had a heart attack!”

OR>> I told him, "What a surprise visit! It’s great to surprise the family, but don’t do that again. I almost had a heart attack!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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