무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

D5 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-05-21 60

회원님의 영작문



D5 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good morning Aiden! Thanks for writing diligently. You're expressing a thoughtful argument—that children today, especially in places like Korea, are under increasing academic and societal pressure. You've included some relevant examples, which is great. Here's a breakdown of feedback to help you improve:
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

Q. Today's children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past . To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

 

While I agree that children are under less pressure these days than were in the past, such as study and expectations from their parents, I personally believe that kids are under more pressure theses days. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While some people believe that children today are under less pressure than in the past; especially in terms of studying and parental expectations;  personally believe that children today face even more pressure. ( Sentence structure made more formal and fluent ) 


One reason some people think they don’t know why kids feel so pressured these days.

REVISED: One reason some people think children aren’t under pressure is that they don’t understand the sources of modern stress.


 For example, in the past, in Korea, there was a lot of pressure on success because many people were poor. For them, success was hope for the family.

However, I believe the new generation is under a lot of pressure on their studies. 

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD JOB!


In Kore case, many parents invest a lot of money in their children for their studies, so there’s a saying: the academic success of students is often influenced by the level of parental support they received at home. 

REVISED: In Korea, many parents invest a lot of money in their children’s education. There is even a saying: a student’s academic success often depends on the level of parental support at home.


Many students often give up their lives if they are not successful with their studies.

REVISED: Tragically, some students even take their own lives if they fail to meet academic expectations.


Another think is that students of today’s generation are highly competitive because their lives have improved. 

REVISED: Another point is that students today are extremely competitive, partly because their living conditions have improved.


For example, Daechi-dong, Korea, is a city where many students go to private institutes college entrance exams, starting with elementary school students. 

REVISED: For example, in Daechi-dong, a neighborhood in Seoul, many students attend private academies to prepare for college entrance exams, starting as early as elementary school.


They have dinner during academy breaks, and the food is mostly convenience store food. 

REVISED: They often eat dinner during academy breaks, usually convenience store meals.


This is really bad for growing children. Most of the students who know well in this environment are under a lot of pressure on their own, so they are under tremendous stress.

>>> CORRECT~!^^ GOOD JOB!


Due to these reasons, I believe that today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that today’s children are under more societal pressure than those in the past.


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
143822 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-04-25 231
143821 0424 IELTS writing Task2 homework 송*유 완료 2025-04-25 0
143820 Discuss your earliest memory as a child. 박*호 완료 2025-04-25 228
143819 Homework 송*진 완료 2025-04-25 2
143818 massage with tools 양*연 완료 2025-04-25 224
143817 What is the most popular sport in your country? 여*찬 완료 2025-04-25 1
143816 Homework 김*진 완료 2025-04-25 1
143815 homework 이*민 완료 2025-04-25 209
143814 4/24 Homework 권*빈 완료 2025-04-25 1
143813 Should high-paying jobs be taxed more to support low-income... 문*현 완료 2025-04-24 241
143812 Do you think people will ever stop using bicycles? 오*영 완료 2025-04-24 250
143811 What\'s the most famous major body of water. Write some facts... 차*혁 완료 2025-04-24 372
143810 How can you politely ask someone to resend an attachment if they... 윤*인 완료 2025-04-24 0
143809 Do you think remote working will be more common in the future?... 문*현 완료 2025-04-24 289
143808 If Korea pushes through with the plan on boosting the animation... 문*현 완료 2025-04-24 309
143807 In two sentences, what is your preferred mode of transportation,... 임*미 완료 2025-04-24 252
143806 What is the strangest thing you\'ve ever found in your pocket? 이*훈 완료 2025-04-24 307
143805 The homework for 24th April. 조*호 완료 2025-04-24 271
143804 Homework 김*우 완료 2025-04-24 1
143803 The saddest time I had as a kid 김*준 완료 2025-04-24 260

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]