무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What does the rise of sologamy say about changing roles for women in South Korea?

작성자: 문*현
2025-05-21 719

회원님의 영작문

Based on the Confucianism ideology, the women’s role was limited to be confined to be home as housewives and good mother. Many women got married in mid 20s and had babies before 30s. Since it is the mandatory for men to serve the military, the duties of women were to have a child and maintain harmony in the household by avoiding any unnecessary conflict. However, the rise of sologamy broke this social norm. According to the recent news articles, 1 in 3 South Koreans lives alone and more than half a woman. South Korean women are among the most highly educated in the world. Most women graduated from universities, and many engage in wide variety of field. This trend made many women to be more financially stable which led to opt out from marriage market because there is concern of career discontinuity after getting married and having babies. Accordingly the rise in sologamy in South Korea indicate the more active role of women in society.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel!

Based on the Confucianism ideology, the women’s role was limited to be confined to be home as housewives and good mother. 
>>> Based on the Confucian ideology, women’s role was limited to being confined at home as housewives and good mothers. 
Many women got married in mid 20s and had babies before 30s. 
>>> Many women got married in their mid-20s and had babies before 30s. 
Since it is the mandatory for men to serve the military, the duties of women were to have a child and maintain harmony in the household by avoiding any unnecessary conflict. 
>>> Since it is mandatory for men to serve in the military, the duties of women were to have a child and maintain harmony in the household by avoiding any unnecessary conflict. 
However, the rise of sologamy broke this social norm. 
>>> correct
According to the recent news articles, 1 in 3 South Koreans lives alone and more than half a woman. 
>>> According to the recent news articles, 1 in 3 South Koreans live alone and more than half are women.  
South Korean women are among the most highly educated in the world. 
>>>  correct
Most women graduated from universities, and many engage in wide variety of fields. 
>>>  correct
This trend made many women to be more financially stable which led to opt out from marriage market because there is concern of career discontinuity after getting married and having babies.
>>> This trend made many women to be more financially stable which led to opting out from the marriage market because there is a concern of career discontinuity after getting married and having babies.
 Accordingly, the rise in sologamy in South Korea indicate the more active role of women in society.
>>> correct
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144353 Homework 송*현 완료 2025-05-29 3
144352 (Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you... 김*영 완료 2025-05-29 482
144351 (Homework) Do you like meeting new people? 김*영 완료 2025-05-29 638
144350 Before, plastic surgery was a big issue, but now it is... 임*미 완료 2025-05-29 528
144349 (Homework) Where is your ideal place for a long vacation and why? 김*영 완료 2025-05-29 588
144348 0529 IELTS writing Task2 homework 송*유 완료 2025-05-29 0
144347 earlier 민*정 완료 2025-05-29 1
144346 Meeting new person 권*경 완료 2025-05-29 2
144345 brand coffee 민*정 완료 2025-05-29 0
144344 breakfast 민*정 완료 2025-05-29 0
144343 my day 민*정 완료 2025-05-29 0
144342 숙제 최*영 완료 2025-05-29 630
144341 How can a company encourage better attendance without being too... 윤*인 완료 2025-05-29 0
144340 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-05-29 623
144339 Why is it important to follow company policies when dealing with... 윤*인 완료 2025-05-29 0
144338 How can employees make customers feel welcome? 윤*인 완료 2025-05-29 0
144337 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-05-29 550
144336 Why do you want to work for us? (What can you bring to our... 오*소 완료 2025-05-29 2
144335 . 김*인 완료 2025-05-29 1
144334 . 김*인 완료 2025-05-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]