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What do you think are the main reasons some people still strongly oppose childbirth outside of marri

작성자: 김*경
2025-05-21 727

회원님의 영작문

There are several reasons for them to disagree with childbirth outside of marriage culturally, religiously, and socially. First, their opposition may come from its unconventional approach toward marriage. It can be viewed as the violation of long-standing tradition and custom. Second, it might be based on their strong religious beliefs. Many religions with Christianity being a prominent example uphold a traditional negativity toward having children out of marriage. Religion itself has inherent uncompromising stance toward out of the truth. Lastly, for children, they’d happier to live together blood-bonded parents and out of social stigma. As a father to look after three children, I believe my children can grow up peacefully and in an emotional stability under conventional family system made by marriage as our countless generations before us did.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve. Your response reveals a deep and personal connection to the topic, which makes your argument feel authentic and grounded. You’ve tackled a sensitive issue with a clear moral stance, supported by cultural, religious, and emotional reasoning. That kind of sincerity gives your writing real strength. There are just a few areas that could benefit from improved sentence structure and word choice to increase clarity and flow. Overall, your effort to combine logical points with personal experience is commendable. It shows maturity in both language and thinking. 

~ T. Lia

There are several reasons for them to disagree with childbirth outside of marriage culturally, religiously, and socially.
>> There are several cultural, religious, and social reasons why they may disagree with childbirth outside of marriage.

First, their opposition may come from its unconventional approach toward marriage.
>> CORRECT

It can be viewed as the violation of long-standing tradition and custom.
>> It can be viewed as a violation of long-standing traditions and customs.

Second, it might be based on their strong religious beliefs.
>> CORRECT

Many religions with Christianity being a prominent example uphold a traditional negativity toward having children out of marriage.
>> Many religions, with Christianity being a prominent example, traditionally oppose having children outside of marriage.

Religion itself has inherent uncompromising stance toward out of the truth.
>> Religion itself often holds an inherently uncompromising stance toward what it considers the truth.

Lastly, for children, they’d happier to live together blood-bonded parents and out of social stigma.
>> Lastly, children are generally happier living with their biological parents and free from social stigma.

As a father to look after three children, I believe my children can grow up peacefully and in an emotional stability under conventional family system made by marriage as our countless generations before us did.
>> As a father of three children, I believe they can grow up peacefully and with emotional stability within the conventional family system established through marriage, just as countless generations before us did.

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