무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

D6 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-05-23 11

회원님의 영작문



D6 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Aiden! TGIF! Thanks  for your essay today! You clearly state your opinion and stick to it throughout the essay. This makes your argument easy to follow. Although there were still some sentences have grammatical issues or awkward phrasing. SO check the corrections out and keep improving. See you!
>>> TACHER GEMMA

Q. Nowadays, there is more and more competition for getting into university. Is this a positive or negative development?

 

While I agree that it is positive that college entrance examinations have become more difficult these days such as life can be better off, I personally believe that the more competition gets, the more children are ruined. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While some people believe that making college entrance exams more difficult can lead to better opportunities in life, I personally believe that increasing competition has harmful effects on children. In this essay, I will explain my reasons for this belief.


The first reason is that children in Korea do not have dreams but only find ways to make money. This situation seems to have been created by adults because most adults in Korean grow up with difficulty, so they believe that can change in their children life by studying. That’s why Koreans parents spend a lot of money on their children to send them to academies. However, these situations are not good for children due to they only study at an age that should have been a dream. These problems can be like machines that only make money when they become adults without wanting to do anything.

REVISED: The first reason is that many children in Korea no longer pursue their dreams, but instead focus only on making money. This mindset seems to have been created by adults, as many of them experienced hardship growing up and believe their children can have a better life through studying. That is why many Korean parents spend large amounts of money on private academies for their children. However, this situation is not good for young people, as they spend their entire childhood studying instead of exploring their interests and dreams. As a result, they may grow up to become adults who work only for money, without any passion or sense of purpose.


The second reason is that the more competition intensifies, the more pressure children are put on. For instance, in areas such as Daechi-dong in Seoul, students attend multiple private academies every day, starting from elementary school. They often eat quick meals from convenience stores and go home late at night, with barely enough time to rest. This lifestyle creates constant pressure and reduces time for free play and personal development.

REVISED: The second reason is that increased competition places a heavy burden on children. For example, in areas like Daechi-dong in Seoul, students attend several private academies each day, starting from elementary school. They often eat quick meals from convenience stores and return home late at night, leaving them with little time to rest. This kind of lifestyle causes constant stress and limits opportunities for free play and personal development.


Due to these reasons, I believe that more competition for getting into university is not good for children.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that increasing competition for university admission is ultimately harmful to children.


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144080 Do we need to work to maintain friendships? 여*찬 완료 2025-05-13 0
144079 homework 김*우 완료 2025-05-13 1
144078 Are there pickpockets in your country? Write about pickpocketing... 차*진 완료 2025-05-13 107
144077 What do you think of every time you visit the dentist? 차*혁 완료 2025-05-13 79
144076 Write about your trip to Seoul during the long holiday. 차*진 완료 2025-05-13 139
144075 What\'s the most useful pet in the world? Why? 차*혁 완료 2025-05-13 145
144074 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-05-13 94
144073 homework 신*라 완료 2025-05-13 116
144072 Homework 김*숙 완료 2025-05-13 127
144071 What are some differences between Korea and the philippines that... 박*호 완료 2025-05-13 111
144070 What is some good news that changed your life? 이*훈 완료 2025-05-13 100
144069 Is having a cast-iron stomach always a good thing? Why or why... 이*희 완료 2025-05-13 107
144068 What are the challenges you’ve faced in helping your son purse... 오*영 완료 2025-05-13 123
144067 0512 IELTS writing Task2 homework 송*유 완료 2025-05-13 0
144066 Homework for today 엄*린 완료 2025-05-13 1
144065 fine 민*정 완료 2025-05-13 0
144064 Homework for today 엄*린 완료 2025-05-13 0
144063 Homework for today 엄*린 완료 2025-05-13 1
144062 Do you think vlogging can be a successful career? Why or why not? 윤*인 완료 2025-05-13 0
144061 . 김*인 완료 2025-05-13 87

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]