¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

If you could travel abroad and visit three places, where do you want to go and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-05-26 687

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

All three are different countries.
The first country I want to visit is Singapore.
Singapore is a place where my mother visited and said it was good. That's why I thought I wanted to go there. Also, there is a Universal Studio in Singapore, and it is an amusement park that I really want to go to, so I really want to go there.
The second country I want to visit is Finland.
I often thought of going to Northern Europe, but after hearing that there is Santa Village, I thought of it. Also, because the aurora is often visible, I wanted to visit the aurora because I wanted to see it.
The thrid country I want to visit is Dubai.
This is also one of the places my mother visited and said it was good. I've never been to a Middle Eastern country yet, so I'm curious. I want to visit more because I heard that there are many luxurious places with large deserts and rich people. However, there is a problem of women's rights or unstable security, so I think I wll consider whether to actually visit of not

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi! 

Thanks for sending your writing. You explained your travel wishes really well! I just fixed a few small grammar parts to help it sound more natural in English. Still, you're doing great! I also hope that soon, you'll get the chance to travel to these wonderful places. I also want to visit Finland for the same reason as yours. ^^ 

~ Teacher Gina


All three are different countries.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: These are three completely different countries.

The first country I want to visit is Singapore.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: Singapore is the first country on my travel list.

Singapore is a place where my mother visited and said it was good.
>>  Singapore is a place my mother visited and said was nice.
>> Or: My mom has been to Singapore and spoke highly of it.

That's why I thought I wanted to go there. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: That made me want to visit there.

Also, there is a Universal Studio in Singapore, and it is an amusement park that I really want to go to, so I really want to go there.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Since Universal Studios is in Singapore, I became even more eager to go.

The second country I want to visit is Finland.
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Finland is the second country I¡¯d like to visit.

I often thought of going to Northern Europe, but after hearing that there is Santa Village, I thought of it. 
>> I had often thought about going to Northern Europe, but hearing about Santa Claus Village made me even more interested.
>> Or: I¡¯ve wanted to go to Northern Europe for a while, but Santa Village made Finland stand out to me.

Also, because the aurora is often visible, I wanted to visit the aurora because I wanted to see it.
>> Also, since the aurora is often visible there, I wanted to visit to see it.

The thrid country I want to visit is Dubai.
>> The third country I want to visit is Dubai.

This is also one of the places my mother visited and said it was good. 
>> This is another place my mother visited and said was nice.
>> Or: My mom went there too and said it was a great place.

I've never been to a Middle Eastern country yet, so I'm curious. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: I¡¯m curious because I¡¯ve never traveled to the Middle East.

I want to visit more because I heard that there are many luxurious places with large deserts and rich people. 
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: What makes me more interested is hearing about the luxury, deserts, and wealth in Dubai.

However, there is a problem of women's rights or unstable security, so I think I wll consider whether to actually visit of not
>> CORRECT.
>> Or: Still, I¡¯m a bit concerned about safety and women¡¯s rights, so I¡¯m not sure yet if I¡¯ll go.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143032 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1017
143031 Do you often spend weekends with family or friends? Why or why... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143030 Can you think of a time when you or someone you know hit the... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 3
143029 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 802
143028 What places would you recommend for foreigners to visit in your... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 3
143027 work-life balance life ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 852
143026 reasons of work-life balance and how to have better life ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 932
143025 work life balance ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 931
143024 How will you tell your friend that the food she prepared for 2... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 866
143023 homework ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1132
143022 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 917
143021 Have you ever felt like you were burning the candle at both... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 4
143020 When do you ask for favors? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143019 The homework for 13th March. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 947
143018 Talk about a time when you cook with another person or other... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 813
143017 horror movies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143016 2025.03.11 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 915
143015 fear ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 2
143014 How do you feel about animals despite having an allergy? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 877
143013 3/12 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04