¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2025-05-29 707

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your third edited composition, Ray.  Please go over the revisions given below. Catch you next class! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                     
                                       Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.



As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
>>> Since all funeral practices are part of our traditional culture, I believe we should respect them.

If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. 
>>> If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate the practice of receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall.

It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.
>>> While it holds a good meaning in offering condolences to the grieving family, I believe it has now deteriorated into a display of vanity and excess.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145201 What\'s the most delicious fruit in your opinion? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 0
145200 Can kids be more independent and have advantages when they grow... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 162
145199 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 151
145198 I summarize global news everyday for my CEO. ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 134
145197 What are the advantages and disadvantages of working with a... ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 2
145196 Do you prefer small gatherings or big celebrations? Explain. ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 156
145195 07/21 Homework ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 160
145194 Think of a memorable trip you¡¯ve taken. Where did you go, and... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 0
145193 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 139
145192 If you had the chance to explore anywhere in the world, where... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 188
145191 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 178
145190 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 1
145189 ¼÷Á¦ ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 157
145188 What do you think when you see an advert that says ¡°Unbeatable... ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 0
145187 Page 3 ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 136
145186 Task ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 2
145185 Can a person live a meaningful life without following a strict... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 149
145184 I think I can\'t beat a lie detection test. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 150
145183 Homework ±Ç*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 6
145182 What\'s your most valued possession? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-21 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04