¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2025-05-29 41

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your third edited composition, Ray.  Please go over the revisions given below. Catch you next class! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                     
                                       Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.



As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
>>> Since all funeral practices are part of our traditional culture, I believe we should respect them.

If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. 
>>> If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate the practice of receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall.

It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.
>>> While it holds a good meaning in offering condolences to the grieving family, I believe it has now deteriorated into a display of vanity and excess.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144345 brand coffee ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144344 breakfast ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144343 my day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144342 ¼÷Á¦ ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 70
144341 How can a company encourage better attendance without being too... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144340 Homework ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 61
144339 Why is it important to follow company policies when dealing with... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144338 How can employees make customers feel welcome? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144337 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 66
144336 Why do you want to work for us? (What can you bring to our... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144335 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 1
144334 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1
144333 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 2
144332 Which do you prefer: more money or increased popularity? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 61
144331 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 62
144330 Do you enjoy your birthdays? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 0
144329 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 53
144328 What is the best local event or festival in your country? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 52
144327 When do you usually spend lavishly? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1
144326 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04