¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2025-05-29 531

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your third edited composition, Ray.  Please go over the revisions given below. Catch you next class! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                     
                                       Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.



As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
>>> Since all funeral practices are part of our traditional culture, I believe we should respect them.

If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. 
>>> If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate the practice of receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall.

It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.
>>> While it holds a good meaning in offering condolences to the grieving family, I believe it has now deteriorated into a display of vanity and excess.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143914 How has English affected your native language; have you noticed... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-01 2
143913 How would people know they have made the right choice? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-01 1
143912 How has English affected your native language; have you noticed... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 0
143911 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 0
143910 4/28 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 0
143909 4/29 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143908 4/30 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143907 Can you share about the most memorable commercial you have ever... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 793
143906 What do you think is the purpose of your life? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143905 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 813
143904 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 864
143903 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143902 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 918
143901 This is a new questionnaire for May. I hope you can join this in... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 748
143900 The homework for 30th April. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 755
143899 Yes, I scared of zombies. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 779
143898 What is the best time to call your customers, and why? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143897 Do you enjoy traveling? If so, what¡¯s your favorite destination... ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 826
143896 goal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 1
143895 What country¡¯s accent do you find the easiest to understand? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-30 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04