¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2025-05-29 538

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your third edited composition, Ray.  Please go over the revisions given below. Catch you next class! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                     
                                       Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.



As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
>>> Since all funeral practices are part of our traditional culture, I believe we should respect them.

If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. 
>>> If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate the practice of receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall.

It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.
>>> While it holds a good meaning in offering condolences to the grieving family, I believe it has now deteriorated into a display of vanity and excess.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143840 Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 690
143839 What religious holidays do you know? Do you think they are... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 791
143838 What kind of car do you want to buy when you\'re all grown up? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 789
143837 What do you think and feel when you see police cars? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 983
143836 Personally, how do you define \"rich?\" Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 661
143835 What are some of the most interesting or unusual things you\'ve... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-26 841
143834 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 2
143833 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143832 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 798
143831 People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 806
143830 How do you balance studying for multiple exams? ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 691
143829 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 838
143828 what are your thought on the four-day work week? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1035
143827 What¡¯s one thing you¡¯re most excited about at your son\'s... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 895
143826 Birthday present that I want to receive is tumbler. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 826
143825 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 766
143824 Is there a time when forgetting something turned out to be a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 875
143823 Do you think a planner helps you stay organized or simply gives... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 828
143822 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 789
143821 0424 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04