¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

(Homework) Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿µ
2025-05-29 546

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë



Here's your third edited composition, Ray.  Please go over the revisions given below. Catch you next class! 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                     
                                       Are there funeral practices in your country that you want to change? explain.



As all funeral practices are our traditional culture, I think we should respect them.
>>> Since all funeral practices are part of our traditional culture, I believe we should respect them.

If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate one practice receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall. 
>>> If possible, I¡¯d like to eliminate the practice of receiving wreaths and placing them in front of the funeral hall.

It is containing good meaning for condoles to console the rest of the family, but now I think it¡¯s degenerated as kinds of vanity and gloss.
>>> While it holds a good meaning in offering condolences to the grieving family, I believe it has now deteriorated into a display of vanity and excess.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143779 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 902
143778 ielts speaking p2,3_3 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143777 ielts speaking p2,3_2 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 0
143776 ielts speaking p2,3_1 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143775 0422 IELTS writing Task 2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143774 2025.04.23 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 940
143773 2025.04.22 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1310
143772 sweet food ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143771 sweet ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 0
143770 Describe a famous person, such as an athlete, actor, or singer.... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 997
143769 Yes, I dance. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1021
143768 About how do I think of not having a child ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 5
143767 Do you think a planner helps you stay organized or simply gives... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143766 What are the advantages of being able to attend different... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143765 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 956
143764 Foreign construction worker\'s issues ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 957
143763 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 811
143762 HOMEWORK FOR 04/21 Writing Task: What do you hope to achieve in... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1
143761 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 808
143760 4/22 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-23 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04