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영작교정 게시판

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What skills would you like to learn in the future? Explain

작성자: 조*수
2025-05-29 583

회원님의 영작문

A skill I would like to learn is how to treat people and influence society in a good way. Once I read a book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which made me believe that it is vital to have good relationships with other people. I think the skill cannot be acquired just by understanding related knowledge, but only through many experiences. I originally studied aerospace engineering. Although the name of the subject seems to have many chances to influence people's lives, later I realized the industry is actually very conservative and hard to feel direct achievement because even small innovations can result in serious risks. So I changed my dream of influencing the world not through technological advancement but through more direct ways such as business. It would be more suitable for my personality and creative style. In conclusion, I would like to learn business management skills, especially related to global issues and humanity in the future.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Isaac!
Please take note of connectors and punctuation marks.
I love reading about your ideas.
Keep practicing!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
A skill I would like to learn is how to treat people and influence society in a good way. 
>> Correct
Once I read a book entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which made me believe that it is vital to have good relationships with other people. 
>> Correct
I think the skill cannot be acquired just by understanding related knowledge, but only through many experiences. 
>> I think this skill can't be acquired just by understanding the related knowledge but it actually takes a lot of experience.
I originally studied aerospace engineering. 
>> Correct
Although the name of the subject seems to have many chances to influence people's lives, later I realized the industry is actually very conservative and hard to feel direct achievement because even small innovations can result in serious risks. 
>> Although the name of the subject suggests it affords many chances to influence people's lives, I later realized that the industry is actually very conservative and it's hard to feel direct achievement because even small innovations can result in serious risks. 
So I changed my dream of influencing the world not through technological advancement but through more direct ways such as business. 
>> So I changed my dream of influencing the world, not through technological advancement but through more direct ways, such as business. 
In conclusion, I would like to learn business management skills, especially related to global issues and humanity in the future.
>> In conclusion, I would like to learn business management skills, especially those related to global issues and humanity in the future.
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