무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

D7 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-05-30 831

회원님의 영작문



D7 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there Aiden! Thanks for writing today! You make some good points about the value of international travel, especially for young people. That said, the grammar, vocabulary, and sentence structure need improvement to make your ideas more precise and professional. Below is a revised version of your essay with corrections and improvements, while keeping your original ideas:
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

While I agree that visiting to increase of international regions harmful, for example, the domestic tourism industry slump, I personally believe that the international travel increase more advantage, especially young people. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While I agree that increasing international travel can have negative effects—such as causing a slump in the domestic tourism industry—I personally believe that the rise in international travel brings more advantages, especially for young people. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.


The first reason is that many visited to international regions who young students can help to broaden their horizons. For example, the young generations need to be understanding to other culture, because a diverse profession will be globalized in the future. In more detail, the industry demands someone who can speak English as a base in these days. In order to do that, young people should go to other country for studying and experiences.

REVISED: The first reason is that international travel helps young students broaden their horizons. For example, the younger generation needs to understand other cultures, as future professions will become more globalized. More specifically, many industries today require people who can speak English as a common language. To gain these skills and global perspectives, young people should study and gain experience abroad.


The second reason is experience. This is because that travel of international can feel other cultural such as foods, historical site and the way of a foreigner lives. It is help to when having a hard time. In my case, many year working at the same job, I decided to make a change in my life and pursue a new career path, but I couldn’t change my work place, because regular expenses like a utility bills. At that time, I remembered that I lived in Canada in my 20s. In those days, I left without anything. These days, I decided to quit my job, study English and find a job in another country. Like this, international experiences help to solve when I concerned.

REVISED: The second reason is personal growth through experience. Traveling internationally allows people to experience different cultures through food, historical sites, and local lifestyles. These experiences can be valuable during difficult times. For instance, after working at the same job for many years, I wanted a change in my life and a new career path. However, I couldn’t easily switch jobs due to regular expenses like utility bills. At that time, I remembered living in Canada in my 20s. Back then, I left without much, but it was a valuable experience. Thinking about that time gave me the courage to quit my job, study English, and search for work in another country. In this way, international experiences helped me make important life decisions.


Due to theses reasons, I believe that diverse regions experience can help to when I have a problem, and also these things help get a variety of job opportunities.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that experiencing different countries not only helps people through difficult times but also opens up more job opportunities.


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
143364 Do you think flexible working hours are beneficial? Why or why... 윤*인 완료 2025-04-01 2
143363 HOMEWORK: What thing will you not give to anyone? why? 이*희 완료 2025-04-01 954
143362 Do you ever think that some music is just noise? 양*정 완료 2025-04-01 2
143361 What meal would you prepare for a guest from another country? 양*정 완료 2025-04-01 1
143360 What is your idea of the best travel experience? 조*명 완료 2025-04-01 5
143359 What meal would you prepare for a guest from another country? 권*진 완료 2025-04-01 1
143358 weak 민*정 완료 2025-04-01 1
143357 What is the deepest part of the ocean? What can we find there? 차*혁 완료 2025-04-01 923
143356 never 민*정 완료 2025-04-01 2
143355 past 민*정 완료 2025-04-01 1
143354 What factors influence a career choice? 임* 완료 2025-04-01 2
143353 What is the most environmentally friendly form of... 김*환 완료 2025-04-01 1
143352 Where is it best to do some workout ? 박*호 완료 2025-04-01 988
143351 Homework 박*준 완료 2025-04-01 1099
143350 2025.03.31 homework! 이*준 완료 2025-04-01 1025
143349 gap 권*희 완료 2025-04-01 1113
143348 Do you believe cheating can ever be justified in certain... 최*연 완료 2025-04-01 962
143347 Can you think of a situation where using the wrong greeting... 임*미 완료 2025-04-01 1001
143346 HOMEWORK 이*아 완료 2025-04-01 1086
143345 Experiencing discrimination or prejudice. 한*원 완료 2025-04-01 906

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]