¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D9 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-06-03 147

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D9 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Aiden! Thanks  for your essay today! You clearly state your opinion and stick to it throughout the essay. This makes your argument easy to follow. Although there were still some sentences have grammatical issues or awkward phrasing. So check the corrections out and keep improving. See you!
>>> TACHER GEMMA
While I agree that young leaders better than older leaders, such as flexibility and innovation, collaborative leadership and energy and drive, I personally believe that older leaders more efficient at workplace. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.
REVISED: While I agree that young leaders have advantages over older leaders, such as flexibility, innovation, collaborative leadership, energy, and drive, I personally believe that older leaders are more efficient in the workplace. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

 The first reason is fully experienced at company, order people filled up to various experiences. More detail, if new workers have a problem, it is good way to find a person with experience, because they may already know the solution. In addition, most experienced workers receive high salaries, which reflect their responsibilities and dedication. As a result, older people better leader than young people.
REVISED: The first reason is that older leaders are fully experienced in the company and have accumulated various experiences. More specifically, when new workers face a problem, it is helpful to consult someone with experience because they may already know the solution. In addition, most experienced workers receive higher salaries, which reflect their responsibilities and dedication. As a result, older people tend to be better leaders than younger people.

 The second reason is that a veteran employees worked over a long period. Therefore, they can provide many examples. In my case, when I was a junior worker, I didn¡¯t have much time, because I am not used to it, so it always took me a long time to work, and then my team leader created the manual himself and gave it to me. As a result, I was able to take my work time to efficiently. If he doesn¡¯t have an experience, he wouldn¡¯t have been able to help anyone. 
REVISED: The second reason is that veteran employees have worked for a long period and can therefore provide many useful examples. In my case, when I was a junior worker, I didn¡¯t manage my time well because I was not used to the tasks, so it often took me a long time to complete my work. My team leader created a manual himself and gave it to me. As a result, I was able to work more efficiently. If he hadn¡¯t had that experience, he wouldn¡¯t have been able to help me.

Due to reasons, I believe that older leaders high efficient at workplaces.
REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that older leaders are more efficient in the workplace.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144340 Homework ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 306
144339 Why is it important to follow company policies when dealing with... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144338 How can employees make customers feel welcome? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 0
144337 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 307
144336 Why do you want to work for us? (What can you bring to our... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 2
144335 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-29 1
144334 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1
144333 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 2
144332 Which do you prefer: more money or increased popularity? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 344
144331 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 325
144330 Do you enjoy your birthdays? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 0
144329 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 291
144328 What is the best local event or festival in your country? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 298
144327 When do you usually spend lavishly? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1
144326 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 1
144325 Do you like Harry Potter? À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 296
144324 How do you deal with a bad mood? What activity do you engage in... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 294
144323 How do financial concerns affect people as they age? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 293
144322 What¡¯s the biggest adventure you¡¯ve had in your life? Á¶*¸® ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 305
144321 homework ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-28 312

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04