¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D9 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-06-03 168

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D9 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Aiden! Thanks  for your essay today! You clearly state your opinion and stick to it throughout the essay. This makes your argument easy to follow. Although there were still some sentences have grammatical issues or awkward phrasing. So check the corrections out and keep improving. See you!
>>> TACHER GEMMA
While I agree that young leaders better than older leaders, such as flexibility and innovation, collaborative leadership and energy and drive, I personally believe that older leaders more efficient at workplace. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.
REVISED: While I agree that young leaders have advantages over older leaders, such as flexibility, innovation, collaborative leadership, energy, and drive, I personally believe that older leaders are more efficient in the workplace. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

 The first reason is fully experienced at company, order people filled up to various experiences. More detail, if new workers have a problem, it is good way to find a person with experience, because they may already know the solution. In addition, most experienced workers receive high salaries, which reflect their responsibilities and dedication. As a result, older people better leader than young people.
REVISED: The first reason is that older leaders are fully experienced in the company and have accumulated various experiences. More specifically, when new workers face a problem, it is helpful to consult someone with experience because they may already know the solution. In addition, most experienced workers receive higher salaries, which reflect their responsibilities and dedication. As a result, older people tend to be better leaders than younger people.

 The second reason is that a veteran employees worked over a long period. Therefore, they can provide many examples. In my case, when I was a junior worker, I didn¡¯t have much time, because I am not used to it, so it always took me a long time to work, and then my team leader created the manual himself and gave it to me. As a result, I was able to take my work time to efficiently. If he doesn¡¯t have an experience, he wouldn¡¯t have been able to help anyone. 
REVISED: The second reason is that veteran employees have worked for a long period and can therefore provide many useful examples. In my case, when I was a junior worker, I didn¡¯t manage my time well because I was not used to the tasks, so it often took me a long time to complete my work. My team leader created a manual himself and gave it to me. As a result, I was able to work more efficiently. If he hadn¡¯t had that experience, he wouldn¡¯t have been able to help me.

Due to reasons, I believe that older leaders high efficient at workplaces.
REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that older leaders are more efficient in the workplace.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144300 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 336
144299 Why do some people avoid watching or reading the news? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 357
144298 Which is easier to manage, hot weather or cold weather? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 1
144297 How does the weather affect your daily activities? Explain. Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 324
144296 What do you think the world will look like if we don¡¯t act on... ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 355
144295 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 1
144294 What are some ways to stay physically active as you age? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 313
144293 Can you tell me more about your foundational knowledge in... ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 1
144292 What advice would you give someone who doesn¡¯t like to exercise? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-27 2
144291 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 0
144290 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 0
144289 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 0
144288 If you could travel abroad and visit three places, where do you... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 335
144287 Does the extreme weather affect your lifestyle? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 1
144286 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 3
144285 0526 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 0
144284 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 304
144283 How do you keep your home clean and neat? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 0
144282 How could you decline offers of help politely? ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 1
144281 homework ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-05-26 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04