¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Should schools focus more on practical skills rather than academic subjects? Explain.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*¼ö
2025-06-11 295

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't agree that schools should focus more on practical skills. As we are heading to the fourth Industrial revolution, our society and technologies around us are becoming more complicated and advanced. Academically, If students go to a university, regardless of their majors, the academic subjects they learned will build a foundation for the curriculum and help students apply knowledge to tasks. Unless they learn rudimentary academic subjects such as math, science and economics, they will be at a disadvantage when competing with others in their fields. Even if one has a job not related to professional or research work, those subjects will help them broaden their perspective on the world and adapt to the workplace. I recommend that students make learning academic subjects the focus, while also read books, explore enjoyable skills and participate in extracurricular activities. I believe specific and practical skills can be acquired after graduation, so now lay a solid foundation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Isaac!
The sentences are too long this time so they are not as clear as your sentences before.
You could have elaborated more on the topic.
There is definitely room for improvement on this composition.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I don't agree that schools should focus more on practical skills. 
>> Correct
As we are heading to the fourth Industrial revolution, our society and technologies around us are becoming more complicated and advanced. 
>> As we head to the Fourth Industrial Revolution, our society and technologies around us are becoming more complicated and advanced. 
Academically, If students go to a university, regardless of their majors, the academic subjects they learned will build a foundation for the curriculum and help students apply knowledge to tasks. 
>> Academically, if students go to university, regardless of their majors, the academic subjects they learn will build a foundation for the curriculum and help them apply knowledge to tasks. 
Unless they learn rudimentary academic subjects such as math, science and economics, they will be at a disadvantage when competing with others in their fields. 
>> Correct
Even if one has a job not related to professional or research work, those subjects will help them broaden their perspective on the world and adapt to the workplace. 
>> Correct
I recommend that students make learning academic subjects the focus, while also read books, explore enjoyable skills and participate in extracurricular activities. 
>> I recommend that students make learning academic subjects the focus, while also reading books, exploring enjoyable skills and participating in extracurricular activities. 
I believe specific and practical skills can be acquired after graduation, so now lay a solid foundation.
>> I believe specific and practical skills can be acquired after graduation, so now is the time to lay a solid foundation.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144062 Do you think vlogging can be a successful career? Why or why not? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 0
144061 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 624
144060 2025.05.09 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 681
144059 2025.05.07 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 790
144058 Trump ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 624
144057 The homework for 13th May. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 656
144056 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 645
144055 I checked textbook. Àº*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 2
144054 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 522
144053 In my case, some people asked for attend my CEO to their events ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 679
144052 Do you like meeting new people? ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 1
144051 Is it good to have friends from other countries? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 1
144050 Is it wrong to argue with your elders? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 2
144049 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-13 799
144048 What makes someone a good friend? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 2
144047 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 0
144046 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 1
144045 What¡¯s the most exciting thing you¡¯ve looked forward to... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 627
144044 What is your ideal vacation? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 609
144043 I like Jazz music. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-12 646

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04