¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¹Î
2025-06-15 104

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that you forget writing the homework on Friday. So I just write a free diary what I did on Saturday.
I wanted to get up late on Saturday because I always get up early every weekdays. But my biological clock was already changed and I just got up only one hour later than usual. So I felt upset and I tried to sleep again. Finally, I got up as late as possible and started the housework to catch up on. And I went to the swimming pool to practice the breaststroke. After swimming, I went to the academy in the same building for doing an additional chemistry class. I felt so tired when I finished all of them which I had to do. And I want to give a gift to myself. So I had chicken delivered with beer. It was a really nice day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Megan^^
Thank you for sharing.
I actually wrote it below. 
I just didn't write it after the feedback.
_T. SHAY^^
***

I think that you forget writing the homework on Friday. 
>>I think you forgot to give a writing homework on Friday.
So I just write a free diary what I did on Saturday.
>>So, I just wrote a free diary about what I did on Saturday.
I wanted to get up late on Saturday because I always get up early every weekdays. 
>>Correct
OR: I wanted to sleep in on Saturday because I always get up early on weekdays. 

But my biological clock was already changed and I just got up only one hour later than usual. 
>>But my body clock was already changed, and I just got up only one hour later than usual.
So I felt upset and I tried to sleep again. 
>>Correct
OR: So I got pissed and tried to get back to sleep.
Finally, I got up as late as possible and started the housework to catch up on. 
>>Finally, I got up as late as possible and started catching up on the housework. 
And I went to the swimming pool to practice the breaststroke. 
>>Correct
OR: After that, I went to the swimming pool to practice the breaststroke.

After swimming, I went to the academy in the same building for doing an additional chemistry class. 
>>After swimming, I went to the academy in the same building to take an additional chemistry class. 
I felt so tired when I finished all of them which I had to do. 
>>I felt so tired when I finished all things that I had to do.
And I want to give a gift to myself. So I had chicken delivered with beer. 
>>And I want to reward myself, so I had chicken and beer delivered.
It was a really nice day!
>>Correct
OR: It was a great day!


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144634 Nice to see you again! ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 1
144633 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 61
144632 My positive statements ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 1
144631 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 89
144630 0616 IELTS writing Task1 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 1
144629 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 0
144628 When do you prefer having a family gathering? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 1
144627 What do you prefer- inviting a friend over to your house or... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 66
144626 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 1
144625 In what situation do you get nervous? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 65
144624 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 66
144623 homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 49
144622 How was the BTS Festa 2025? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 3
144621 Why is it important for children to spend time with adults?... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 68
144620 \"Age is just a number.\" What does this phrase mean? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 299
144619 What is the implication of having an aging population? ÃÖ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 85
144618 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 2
144617 test2 Te*002 ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 0
144616 test Te*002 ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 1
144615 crime ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-16 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04