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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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D10 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-06-16 361

회원님의 영작문



D10 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Aiden! Thanks for your first essay this week! Let's have some more practices. Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic of travel methods, and you attempt to support your view with relevant reasons such as convenience, time-saving, and the difficulty of carrying luggage when using a bicycle. However, the structure and clarity of your writing need improvement.

>>>TEACHER GEMMA


Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

 

While I agree that using bicycles while travelling contributes to environmental sustainability by reducing individual car usage, for example, the dense traffic in the city centre contributes to elevated levels of exhaust fumes, impacting air quality, I personal believe that using an individual car leads to convenience, especially in areas with limited public transport. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While I agree that using bicycles helps protect the environment by reducing car emissions; especially in city centers where traffic causes high levels of pollution—I personally believe that traveling by car is more convenient, particularly in areas with limited public transportation. In this essay, I will explain why I believe cars are a better option for travel.


The first reason is convenience. For example, some tourist places are hard to find but if using a car, it is easy to find a way, because of navigate systems. Furthermore, the navigate systems can help us not to fall into other ways with complimentary services and save time during travelling.

REVISED: The first reason is convenience. Some tourist destinations are difficult to reach by bicycle or public transportation. However, using a car with a GPS navigation system makes it easier to find locations quickly and avoid getting lost. This can also help save time and avoid unnecessary detours.


The second reason is saving time and a heavy burden during a travelling. In more details, if someone leave for Busan from Seoul by bicycle while journeying, it needs to spend time for about 3 weeks, but using a car, allowing to cover long distances in a relatively short time in just few hours. On the other hand, if traveler have a heavy burden, it could not use a bicycle. In additional, for travelers, luggage plays a really important role in case of hurt and hungry.

REVISED: Another reason is that cars save time and make carrying luggage easier. For example, traveling from Seoul to Busan by bicycle could take up to three weeks, while by car, the same journey takes just a few hours. Additionally, traveling with heavy luggage is very difficult on a bicycle. For tourists, it is important to carry essential items like food, water, and first-aid supplies, which are much easier to transport in a car.


Due to these reasons, I believe that the best way to travel is by car. While a travelling, using a car can help to convenience, saving time and heavy burden.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that traveling by car is the best choice. Cars offer convenience, save time, and make it easier to carry necessary items, especially for long-distance travel.

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