¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D10 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-06-16 373

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D10 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Aiden! Thanks for your first essay this week! Let's have some more practices. Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic of travel methods, and you attempt to support your view with relevant reasons such as convenience, time-saving, and the difficulty of carrying luggage when using a bicycle. However, the structure and clarity of your writing need improvement.

>>>TEACHER GEMMA


Some people believe that in a city, the best way to travel is by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of travelling in a city. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

 

While I agree that using bicycles while travelling contributes to environmental sustainability by reducing individual car usage, for example, the dense traffic in the city centre contributes to elevated levels of exhaust fumes, impacting air quality, I personal believe that using an individual car leads to convenience, especially in areas with limited public transport. In this essay, I will explain why I believe this.

REVISED: While I agree that using bicycles helps protect the environment by reducing car emissions; especially in city centers where traffic causes high levels of pollution—I personally believe that traveling by car is more convenient, particularly in areas with limited public transportation. In this essay, I will explain why I believe cars are a better option for travel.


The first reason is convenience. For example, some tourist places are hard to find but if using a car, it is easy to find a way, because of navigate systems. Furthermore, the navigate systems can help us not to fall into other ways with complimentary services and save time during travelling.

REVISED: The first reason is convenience. Some tourist destinations are difficult to reach by bicycle or public transportation. However, using a car with a GPS navigation system makes it easier to find locations quickly and avoid getting lost. This can also help save time and avoid unnecessary detours.


The second reason is saving time and a heavy burden during a travelling. In more details, if someone leave for Busan from Seoul by bicycle while journeying, it needs to spend time for about 3 weeks, but using a car, allowing to cover long distances in a relatively short time in just few hours. On the other hand, if traveler have a heavy burden, it could not use a bicycle. In additional, for travelers, luggage plays a really important role in case of hurt and hungry.

REVISED: Another reason is that cars save time and make carrying luggage easier. For example, traveling from Seoul to Busan by bicycle could take up to three weeks, while by car, the same journey takes just a few hours. Additionally, traveling with heavy luggage is very difficult on a bicycle. For tourists, it is important to carry essential items like food, water, and first-aid supplies, which are much easier to transport in a car.


Due to these reasons, I believe that the best way to travel is by car. While a travelling, using a car can help to convenience, saving time and heavy burden.

REVISED: For these reasons, I believe that traveling by car is the best choice. Cars offer convenience, save time, and make it easier to carry necessary items, especially for long-distance travel.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142945 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 945
142944 What is your favorite part of your daily schedule? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 945
142943 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142942 dear jane ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 860
142941 Why do you think more people choose not to get married recently? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1011
142940 How technology has Improved our lifestyle ±è*±æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 971
142939 Receiving help È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 818
142938 Yes, I like sushi. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 964
142937 The homework for March 7th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 943
142936 How does regular physical activity benefit mental health and... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 0
142935 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 964
142934 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1069
142933 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1069
142932 Do you like sushi? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142931 Homework☺️ ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 972
142930 3/7 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142929 If you could design your own violin keychain from scratch, what... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 920
142928 Talk about the most extreme activity that you\'ve tried. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 915
142927 The most unusual food ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 841
142926 Word forms worksheet ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04