¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What kind of people are there in your city?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2025-06-19 194

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are many kind of people in my city for example doctor, office workers, police officers, firefighter so many kind of people in my city.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Yale!

I'm glad to see you doing your homework again. I hope you're feeling much better overall. 

Here's your first corrected composition. Please go over the revisions given below.   


Cheers,
Jean~~




                          

                                      What kind of people are there in your city?


There are many kind of people in my city for example doctor, office workers, police officers, firefighter so many kind of people in my city.
>>> There are many different kinds of people in my city; for example, doctors, office workers, police officers, and firefighters. My city is full of all kinds of people.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143495 How does God¡¯s love shape the way you see yourself and others? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1000
143494 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1075
143493 Why do you think that the lack of time still yields average... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1
143492 How do you choose the person you vote during the election ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 941
143491 How do you adjust your routine when unexpected things happen? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 922
143490 Do you think it\'s important for kids to choose early what they... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 877
143489 What is the greatest lesson you have learned from a book or a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 721
143488 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1029
143487 What day is the most important to you? ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 788
143486 4/7 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1
143485 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 845
143484 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1030
143483 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 834
143482 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 928
143481 What are your thoughts on Korean politics? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1043
143480 What holiday do you think is no longer needed in your country? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 882
143479 Are you more productive when you work alone or when you... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1097
143478 What is one place in your city that holds special memories for... Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1
143477 How do you prepare for busy days at work? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1264
143476 2025.04.07 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-07 1000

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04