¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D11 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-06-28 683

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D11 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Aiden! Thanks for doing your essay consistently! It's good because you addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing lifespan, which shows understanding of the prompt. However, vocabulary is often vague or incorrectly used. Some ideas are underdeveloped or unclear, especially the conclusion. Please check my corrections! Have a good time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

These days, the life span of people increase due to medical care and dietary. I would like to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of this.

REVISED: In recent years, human lifespans have increased thanks to advances in medical care and improved nutrition. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.


On the one hand, the experiencing of the elderly people help to young generations. For example, the new employee or young adults usually doesn¡¯t have any experiences, especially in company. in contrast, old people with a lot of experience have a solution. If we make a community centre who needs information for a problem solving, many individuals might be helping to facing the challenging.

REVISED: One major advantage of increased lifespan is that older individuals can share their experience and knowledge with younger generations. For example, new employees often lack experience in the workplace, whereas older workers can offer valuable guidance and solutions. Creating community centers where the elderly can mentor or support others could help people navigate challenges more effectively.


On the other hand, it is true that an ageing population poses challenges for healthcare and social services. In other words, it is critical problem in our social. For instance, today¡¯s faced challenges to an old-age pension, because low birth rate is getting worse, so the current generation may not be able to get a pension in the future. If the government doesn¡¯t solve this problem, generational differences will form and society may collapse.

REVISED: However, an aging population creates serious challenges for healthcare systems and pension schemes. As the birth rate declines, there may not be enough working-age people to support the growing number of retirees. This puts pressure on government resources, and if the problem is not addressed, it could lead to intergenerational conflict and economic instability.


In addition, government make to community centre that provides several programmed for elderly people to enhance their well-being. If the aging population continues, young people can feel marginalized.

REVISED: To address these challenges, governments could create community centers that offer programs to support the physical and mental well-being of the elderly. However, if the elderly population grows too large, younger people may feel neglected or overburdened.


For this reason, there are both its pros and cons to consider with regard to longevity. While a young people can benefit from the advice of elderly people, that social issue should be succeed.

REVISED: In conclusion, while increased longevity allows younger generations to benefit from the wisdom of older adults, it also raises serious social and economic concerns that must be addressed.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143310 Describe the biggest mall you\'ve ever visited. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 927
143309 3/20 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 1
143308 When was the last time you had the most fun on a weekend? Write... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 792
143307 Do Korean parents teach their children how to sit properly at... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 826
143306 3/19 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 0
143305 3/18 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 0
143304 what\'s the best ocean animal in the world? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 697
143303 3/17 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 0
143302 Expressing sincere gratitude ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-30 1
143301 My new activity ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 934
143300 Sad music ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 830
143299 Can you describe your favorite singer or musician? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 0
143298 Do you think climate change is making wildfires worse? Why or... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 0
143297 Do you think younger generations in Korea have a different view... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 0
143296 What is one famous tourist attraction in another country that... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-29 0
143295 Is music important? Why or why not? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-28 832
143294 HOMEWORK 3/28 ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-28 798
143293 I think happiness a choice. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-28 816
143292 today Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-28 766
143291 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-28 715

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04