무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

D11 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-06-28 495

회원님의 영작문



D11 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Aiden! Thanks for doing your essay consistently! It's good because you addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing lifespan, which shows understanding of the prompt. However, vocabulary is often vague or incorrectly used. Some ideas are underdeveloped or unclear, especially the conclusion. Please check my corrections! Have a good time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

These days, the life span of people increase due to medical care and dietary. I would like to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of this.

REVISED: In recent years, human lifespans have increased thanks to advances in medical care and improved nutrition. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.


On the one hand, the experiencing of the elderly people help to young generations. For example, the new employee or young adults usually doesn’t have any experiences, especially in company. in contrast, old people with a lot of experience have a solution. If we make a community centre who needs information for a problem solving, many individuals might be helping to facing the challenging.

REVISED: One major advantage of increased lifespan is that older individuals can share their experience and knowledge with younger generations. For example, new employees often lack experience in the workplace, whereas older workers can offer valuable guidance and solutions. Creating community centers where the elderly can mentor or support others could help people navigate challenges more effectively.


On the other hand, it is true that an ageing population poses challenges for healthcare and social services. In other words, it is critical problem in our social. For instance, today’s faced challenges to an old-age pension, because low birth rate is getting worse, so the current generation may not be able to get a pension in the future. If the government doesn’t solve this problem, generational differences will form and society may collapse.

REVISED: However, an aging population creates serious challenges for healthcare systems and pension schemes. As the birth rate declines, there may not be enough working-age people to support the growing number of retirees. This puts pressure on government resources, and if the problem is not addressed, it could lead to intergenerational conflict and economic instability.


In addition, government make to community centre that provides several programmed for elderly people to enhance their well-being. If the aging population continues, young people can feel marginalized.

REVISED: To address these challenges, governments could create community centers that offer programs to support the physical and mental well-being of the elderly. However, if the elderly population grows too large, younger people may feel neglected or overburdened.


For this reason, there are both its pros and cons to consider with regard to longevity. While a young people can benefit from the advice of elderly people, that social issue should be succeed.

REVISED: In conclusion, while increased longevity allows younger generations to benefit from the wisdom of older adults, it also raises serious social and economic concerns that must be addressed.


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144674 Can allowing too much freedom sometimes lead to problems? Why or... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 51
144673 In what ways do your interests influence your goals? 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 2477
144672 How should parents support their children\'s playtime? 오*영 완료 2025-06-19 55
144671 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 59
144670 homework 이*민 완료 2025-06-19 81
144669 0618 IELTS writing Task1 homework 송*유 완료 2025-06-18 0
144668 Do you think visiting new places is more enjoyable alone or with... 김*순 완료 2025-06-18 81
144667 homework 박*욱 완료 2025-06-18 65
144666 How does waking up early affect productivity? Explain. 신*규 완료 2025-06-18 57
144665 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-06-18 2
144664 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... 여*찬 완료 2025-06-18 0
144663 homework 김*우 완료 2025-06-18 2
144662 . 김*인 완료 2025-06-18 63
144661 How is our accent affected by our birthplace? 이*희 완료 2025-06-18 73
144660 . 김*인 완료 2025-06-18 56
144659 No, I don\'t want to try banana ketchup. 유*빈 완료 2025-06-18 61
144658 What can younger people learn from spending more time with older... 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 58
144657 The economy is always a significant concern. How is the Korean... 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 61
144656 How would you feel if someone canceled on you at the last minute? 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 68
144655 What is the best local event or festival in your country? Why? 이*태 완료 2025-06-18 75

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]