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D11 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-06-28 594

회원님의 영작문



D11 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Aiden! Thanks for doing your essay consistently! It's good because you addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of increasing lifespan, which shows understanding of the prompt. However, vocabulary is often vague or incorrectly used. Some ideas are underdeveloped or unclear, especially the conclusion. Please check my corrections! Have a good time!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

These days, the life span of people increase due to medical care and dietary. I would like to talk about the advantages and disadvantages of this.

REVISED: In recent years, human lifespans have increased thanks to advances in medical care and improved nutrition. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.


On the one hand, the experiencing of the elderly people help to young generations. For example, the new employee or young adults usually doesn’t have any experiences, especially in company. in contrast, old people with a lot of experience have a solution. If we make a community centre who needs information for a problem solving, many individuals might be helping to facing the challenging.

REVISED: One major advantage of increased lifespan is that older individuals can share their experience and knowledge with younger generations. For example, new employees often lack experience in the workplace, whereas older workers can offer valuable guidance and solutions. Creating community centers where the elderly can mentor or support others could help people navigate challenges more effectively.


On the other hand, it is true that an ageing population poses challenges for healthcare and social services. In other words, it is critical problem in our social. For instance, today’s faced challenges to an old-age pension, because low birth rate is getting worse, so the current generation may not be able to get a pension in the future. If the government doesn’t solve this problem, generational differences will form and society may collapse.

REVISED: However, an aging population creates serious challenges for healthcare systems and pension schemes. As the birth rate declines, there may not be enough working-age people to support the growing number of retirees. This puts pressure on government resources, and if the problem is not addressed, it could lead to intergenerational conflict and economic instability.


In addition, government make to community centre that provides several programmed for elderly people to enhance their well-being. If the aging population continues, young people can feel marginalized.

REVISED: To address these challenges, governments could create community centers that offer programs to support the physical and mental well-being of the elderly. However, if the elderly population grows too large, younger people may feel neglected or overburdened.


For this reason, there are both its pros and cons to consider with regard to longevity. While a young people can benefit from the advice of elderly people, that social issue should be succeed.

REVISED: In conclusion, while increased longevity allows younger generations to benefit from the wisdom of older adults, it also raises serious social and economic concerns that must be addressed.


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