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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Describe the main problems that people face living in the modern world.

작성자: 조*수
2025-07-01 94

회원님의 영작문

Although not everyone is the same in every culture, I would like to discuss a social problem that is particularly noticeable in Korea. Koreans today are living in a society obsessed with competition and sameness. Korea may be a developed country, but when it comes to the question of whether it is a happy one, I don't think I can give a positive answer. Korea has experienced rapid and unbalanced development, to a degree rarely seen in history. Korea has consistently developed over the past half-century. As a result, the dominant value in Korea has gradually become winning over others and achieving success through competition. Perhaps because Korea grew too quickly in just one or two generations, people have come to know how sweet material success can be. Ironically, despite its development, Koreans work longer hours than people in most other countries. I hope that we can reclaim the essential values of life, such as altruism and inner peace, and build a warmer culture.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Isaac!
There are some terms that you need to remember here.
Study them again and use them in sentences.
Keep practicing!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Although not everyone is the same in every culture, I would like to discuss a social problem that is particularly noticeable in Korea. 
>> Correct
Koreans today are living in a society obsessed with competition and sameness. 
>> Koreans today are living in a society obsessed with competition and conformity.
Korea may be a developed country, but when it comes to the question of whether it is a happy one, I don't think I can give a positive answer. 
>> Correct
Korea has experienced rapid and unbalanced development, to a degree rarely seen in history. 
>> Correct
Korea has consistently developed over the past half-century. 
>> Correct
As a result, the dominant value in Korea has gradually become winning over others and achieving success through competition. 
>> Correct
Perhaps because Korea grew too quickly in just one or two generations, people have come to know how sweet material success can be. 
>> Correct
Ironically, despite its development, Koreans work longer hours than people in most other countries. 
>> Ironically, despite its development, Koreans work longer hours than people in most countries. 
I hope that we can reclaim the essential values of life, such as altruism and inner peace, and build a warmer culture.
>> Correct
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