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D12 essay homework

작성자: 김*수
2025-07-02 63

회원님의 영작문



D12 essay homework

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Aiden! Thanks for diligently working on your essay! Keep it up! You addressed an important and relevant topic which how living alone can lead to loneliness-related issues. Corrections are specified below though. Check them out!

>>> TEACHER GEMMA


It is often argued that the number of people living along increases many raising diseases related loneliness.

REVISED: It is often argued that the rising number of people living alone is increasing diseases related to loneliness.


 Throughout this essay, I will make reference to specific examples to support my argument.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


One major case is that the empty nest syndrome emerges to someone who staying alone.

REVISED: Empty nest syndrome often affects people who begin living alone, especially after their children move out.


 In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children lefts in their house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 

REVISED:  In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children leave the house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 


At that time, it is commonly noisy and warm there, but after children’s adults and left their house, it gets very quiet there. The depression that comes from it will be tremendous.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


The second case is someone who has recently become independent from their parents. They also experience to this syndrome, but it must feel different from their parents. For example, young adults can meet a friend during the free time and can feel the freedom, however if they have a problem such as house issue and need to a matter of relationships, but it is difficult to ask about it, because their parents would worry.

REVISED: A second example is young adults who have recently become independent from their parents. They may also experience feelings of loneliness, though in a different way than their parents. For instance, while young adults enjoy more freedom and can meet friends in their free time, they may struggle when facing problems such as housing issues or relationship difficulties. They might hesitate to talk to their parents about these problems, worrying that it would cause concern.


Therefore, I strongly believe that If someone live alone, they family often need to be connecting such as sharing normally days. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

REVISED: Therefore, I strongly believe that if someone lives alone, it’s important that they stay connected with family; by sharing daily life and maintaining regular communication. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

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