¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D12 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-07-02 74

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D12 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Aiden! Thanks for diligently working on your essay! Keep it up! You addressed an important and relevant topic which how living alone can lead to loneliness-related issues. Corrections are specified below though. Check them out!

>>> TEACHER GEMMA


It is often argued that the number of people living along increases many raising diseases related loneliness.

REVISED: It is often argued that the rising number of people living alone is increasing diseases related to loneliness.


 Throughout this essay, I will make reference to specific examples to support my argument.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


One major case is that the empty nest syndrome emerges to someone who staying alone.

REVISED: Empty nest syndrome often affects people who begin living alone, especially after their children move out.


 In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children lefts in their house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 

REVISED:  In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children leave the house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 


At that time, it is commonly noisy and warm there, but after children¡¯s adults and left their house, it gets very quiet there. The depression that comes from it will be tremendous.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


The second case is someone who has recently become independent from their parents. They also experience to this syndrome, but it must feel different from their parents. For example, young adults can meet a friend during the free time and can feel the freedom, however if they have a problem such as house issue and need to a matter of relationships, but it is difficult to ask about it, because their parents would worry.

REVISED: A second example is young adults who have recently become independent from their parents. They may also experience feelings of loneliness, though in a different way than their parents. For instance, while young adults enjoy more freedom and can meet friends in their free time, they may struggle when facing problems such as housing issues or relationship difficulties. They might hesitate to talk to their parents about these problems, worrying that it would cause concern.


Therefore, I strongly believe that If someone live alone, they family often need to be connecting such as sharing normally days. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

REVISED: Therefore, I strongly believe that if someone lives alone, it¡¯s important that they stay connected with family; by sharing daily life and maintaining regular communication. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144398 Do you prefer small gatherings or big celebrations? Why? Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 704
144397 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 374
144396 D8 essay homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 366
144395 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 1
144394 What do you consider to be your weakness? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 3
144393 homework ¹Ú*¿í ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 479
144392 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-02 446
144391 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 419
144390 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 1
144389 How are hobbies now different from hobbies in the past? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 1
144388 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 1
144387 What type of test is easy for you to answer? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 0
144386 What is the most useful exercise you can think of? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-01 404
144385 How do you feel about traveling alone? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-31 1
144384 Why are older adults often assumed to be uninterested in... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-31 443
144383 Imagine that you are traveling to a foreign country and you need... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-31 426
144382 What type of leadership style do you think is most effective in... ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-30 404
144381 Homework ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-30 454
144380 What is the best local event or festival in your country? Why? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-05-30 474
144379 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-30 449

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04