¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

D12 essay homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2025-07-02 1070

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



D12 essay homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Aiden! Thanks for diligently working on your essay! Keep it up! You addressed an important and relevant topic which how living alone can lead to loneliness-related issues. Corrections are specified below though. Check them out!

>>> TEACHER GEMMA


It is often argued that the number of people living along increases many raising diseases related loneliness.

REVISED: It is often argued that the rising number of people living alone is increasing diseases related to loneliness.


 Throughout this essay, I will make reference to specific examples to support my argument.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


One major case is that the empty nest syndrome emerges to someone who staying alone.

REVISED: Empty nest syndrome often affects people who begin living alone, especially after their children move out.


 In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children lefts in their house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 

REVISED:  In more details, many parents can feel a sense of melancholy when their children leave the house, because most children live with their parents before adults during this period around 20 years or over. 


At that time, it is commonly noisy and warm there, but after children¡¯s adults and left their house, it gets very quiet there. The depression that comes from it will be tremendous.

>>> CORRECT~!^^


The second case is someone who has recently become independent from their parents. They also experience to this syndrome, but it must feel different from their parents. For example, young adults can meet a friend during the free time and can feel the freedom, however if they have a problem such as house issue and need to a matter of relationships, but it is difficult to ask about it, because their parents would worry.

REVISED: A second example is young adults who have recently become independent from their parents. They may also experience feelings of loneliness, though in a different way than their parents. For instance, while young adults enjoy more freedom and can meet friends in their free time, they may struggle when facing problems such as housing issues or relationship difficulties. They might hesitate to talk to their parents about these problems, worrying that it would cause concern.


Therefore, I strongly believe that If someone live alone, they family often need to be connecting such as sharing normally days. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

REVISED: Therefore, I strongly believe that if someone lives alone, it¡¯s important that they stay connected with family; by sharing daily life and maintaining regular communication. By doing so, diseases related to loneliness will be greatly reduced.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143730 > How often do you buy the stuff you need? What would you do if... ±è*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 820
143729 Is there a traditional tale or story that you consider the best?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1836
143728 What are your unreasonable demands on your husband? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143727 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 3
143726 blizzard ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143725 0417 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143724 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 757
143723 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 971
143722 2025.04.17 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 872
143721 Talk about a person you want to receive a message from. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 955
143720 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143719 snow ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143718 HOMEWORK: Name 3 things that you are afraid of. I am afraid of... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143717 Do you usually share your problems with your friends? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143716 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 5
143715 Why do you think people get cravings? Do you think cravings are... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 1
143714 What are the two worst things that can happen without the sun? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 599
143713 Do you think watching animation is good for kids? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 795
143712 What are your thoughts on the small size of your country? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 746
143711 Why is your capital city called Seoul? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-20 755

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04