무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Writing homework

작성자: 박*원
2025-07-02 20

회원님의 영작문



Hi, Gemma. I searched synonyms while I wrote this essay. So it took an hour to finish it. I did the best I can but I really can't be confident. Please let me know which grammars are wrong and better expressions. Thank you in advance. See you tomorrow :)

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Ji Won! You're off to a good start, and your argument structure is clear. Thanks for your essay! Corrections are identified below. Please check them out!
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

It is a common belief that a company can benefit from young workers. However, there is a more persuasive argument that elderly members are better because they are experienced people.

>>>CORRECT~!^^

 

On the one hand, youthful staff members are beneficial for a company.

>>>REVISED:  On the one hand, young employees can offer several advantages.

(More natural phrasing; "youthful" sounds unnatural in this context.)


 This is because they are used to technologic devices and have open mind to advanced technologies. Therefore, they can deal with any technological challenges that happen in their company and easily adapt to them.

>>>CORRECT~!^^


 For example, with development of social networking service (SNS), advertising on the Internet has become popular. 

REVISED:  For example, with the rise of social networking services (SNS), advertising on the Internet has become popular. 


Some startup companies, most of employees are inexperienced but have SNS operating skills, advertise their company or products on SNS, whereas major companies still focus on TV commercial advertisement. As a result, startup companies’ ads are more effective due to influence of SNS.

>>>CORRECT~!^^


 Nevertheless, I support the idea that aged workers are more helpful. 

>>>CORRECT~!^^


The main reason is that they have more knowledge and practice than younger people. 

REVISED: The main reason is that they have greater knowledge and practical experience than younger people. 

more knowledge and practice" - "greater knowledge and practical experience"
(More formal and appropriate.)


Furthermore, when a problem happens, an effective way to solve the problem is listening to their know-how. It could be helpful to find the way. For instance, according to a poll, the majority of respondents ranked elderly coworkers than young members when asked about which member do you prefer to get help in the event of problem. 

REVISED: Furthermore, when problems arise, an effective way to resolve them is by relying on the know-how of older employees. Their experience can be especially helpful in identifying practical solutions. For instance, according to a poll, the majority of respondents preferred older colleagues over younger ones when asked whom they would turn to for help in the event of a workplace problem.

*when a problem happens" - "when problems arise"

*an effective way to solve the problem is listening to their know-how" -  an effective way to resolve them is by relying on the know-how of older employees"

  * ranked elderly coworkers than young members - "preferred older colleagues over younger ones"

In conclusion, it is undoubtable that aged members have important parts in their companies.

REVISED: In conclusion, it is undeniable that senior staff play ca crucial role in their companies.

  • undoubtable" - "undeniable"
    (More natural and commonly used in formal English.)

  • "aged members" -"older employees / senior staff"
    ("Aged" sounds outdated; "senior staff" is respectful and professional.)

  • "have important parts" - "play a crucial role"
    (More idiomatic.)

 To sum up, while it is apparent that young employees are useful to their team, it is undeniable that elderly workers play a vital role in the company.

REVISED:  To sum up, while it is apparent that young employees bring valuable skills to the workplace, it is undeniable that senior employees play a vital role in the company.

"are useful to their team" → "bring valuable skills to the workplace"

(More formal.) 

"elderly workers" → "older workers / senior employees"( avoid "elderly" in professional contexts.)


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144919 Writing homework 박*원 완료 2025-07-03 11
144918 No, not all parents who feed their children junk food are... 손*아 완료 2025-07-03 12
144917 ㅣㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-07-03 4
144916 Who\'s the healthiest person you know? How do they maintain... 차*진 완료 2025-07-03 10
144915 Have you ever felt that you knew some people the first time you... 임* 완료 2025-07-03 2
144914 Would winning the lottery change you? 임* 완료 2025-07-03 2
144913 If you could create your own new season, what would it be like? 이*훈 완료 2025-07-03 7
144912 How important are paid leave days to you when choosing a job? 오*영 완료 2025-07-03 10
144911 What do you think jobs will be like in the future? Explain. 조*수 완료 2025-07-03 16
144910 Homework 권*경 완료 2025-07-03 3
144909 AI 권*희 완료 2025-07-03 9
144908 expert 민*정 완료 2025-07-03 1
144907 Problem solving 김*진 완료 2025-07-03 8
144906 Do you enjoy hobbies that challenge you mentally, like puzzles... 김*준 완료 2025-07-03 3
144905 ㅣㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-07-03 20
144904 What are your thoughts on couples going Dutch? 손*영 완료 2025-07-03 5
144903 Can you be friends with someone very different from you? Why or... 이*윤 완료 2025-07-02 10
144902 What’s more important for a manager: experience or education? 윤*인 완료 2025-07-02 0
144901 Can you think of a time when your morale was very high? What... 윤*인 완료 2025-07-02 0
144900 ㅣㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-07-02 9

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]