무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Writing homework

작성자: 박*원
2025-07-03 58

회원님의 영작문



Hi, Gemma. I always appreciate your help :) See you tomorrow!

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day to Ji Won! It's Friday! ;) How's your week going? Anyway, I'm grateful for your showing diligence in writing your essay! Keep it up! Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and attempts to support it with reasoning and examples. You show a good understanding of both sides of the argument, which is great. However, the essay would benefit from improvements in grammar, sentence structure, logical flow, and word choice to make your ideas clearer and more persuasive.
>>> TEACHER GEMMA

There is disagreement regarding the issue of whether dangerous sports should be prohibited. The main point of contention is related to human life, but personally I believe that the government should not prohibit people from doing extreme sports. 

>>> THIS IS CLEAR ANG GRAMMATICALLY FINE. GOOD JOB!


Because emotional benefits are more important than their lives in modern society.

>>>This is because emotional well-being is considered highly important in modern society.

( “Because…” needs a full sentence.)


In most cases, extreme sports are allowed because this can lead to positive effect on people’s emotion.

>>> In most cases, extreme sports are permitted because they can have a positive effect on people’s emotions.

positive effect” → needs article: a positive effect

emotion” → should be emotions

Subject-verb agreement: this can lead → they can have


 For example, a recently published study illustrates that these extreme activities such as skydiving and rock climbing produce more dopamine that makes palpitation and happiness in the body.

>>> For example, a recent study shows that extreme activities like skydiving and rock climbing increase dopamine levels, which are associated with excitement and happiness.


 Therefore, many individuals who want to get out of their daily lives which are routinely passed every day tend to refresh their mind by activities because of sharply increasing dopamine. 

>>> Therefore, many individuals who want a break from their routine tend to refresh their minds through these activities, as increased dopamine helps improve their mood.

( Awkward phrasing: “daily lives which are routinely passed every day” → too repetitive)


This shows that extreme sports are beneficial for people who want to be out of daily living.

>>> This shows that extreme sports can benefit people who want to escape their everyday routine.


In contrast, it is true that the government should ban dangerous activities. The main reason is that it is related to people’s lives directly. 

>>> THIS IS CLEAR ANG GRAMMATICALLY FINE. GOOD JOB!


For instance, sometimes, accidents that make people die have been occurred due to lack of safety devices. 

>>> For example, fatal accidents have occurred due to a lack of proper safety equipment.

make people die” → incorrect; say “fatal accidents”

have been occurred” → incorrect passive voice. Use “have occurred”


Most of them had been able to prevent if the devices have been checked properly. 

>>> THIS IS CLEAR ANG GRAMMATICALLY FINE. GOOD JOB!


Of course it isn’t frequent accidents, but we should prevent these events and have to think that it could be happen to us.

>>> Of course, such accidents are not frequent, but we should still take precautions and consider that they could happen to anyone.

“it could be happen” → incorrect; should be “they could happen”


In conclusion, prohibiting extreme sports is a contentious topic because there are opinions that support and oppose this basic idea. However, I personally believe that the government should allow extreme activities unless there aren’t safety issues about devices.

>>> In conclusion, banning extreme sports is a controversial issue, with valid arguments on both sides. However, I believe the government should allow extreme sports as long as proper safety measures are in place.

( Clearer and smoother way to express your final opinion)


번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144688 homework 김*우 완료 2025-06-19 1
144687 When was the last time you went to the beach? What activities... 김*환 완료 2025-06-19 81
144686 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 61
144685 숙제 최*영 완료 2025-06-19 81
144684 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-06-19 1
144683 What stories about your best friend would you like to share? 차*혁 완료 2025-06-19 69
144682 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 72
144681 What kind of support do you think single-person households might... 여*찬 완료 2025-06-19 0
144680 Smiling 민*기 완료 2025-06-19 1
144679 What do you think makes a visitor feel welcome? Explain. 조*수 완료 2025-06-19 125
144678 Aside from the language barrier, what challenges did you face as... 이*훈 완료 2025-06-19 66
144677 What other cultural practices do you do in the Summer? 이*희 완료 2025-06-19 78
144676 What do you think companies could do to keep their staff from... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 85
144675 What is the importance of taking care of nature? What can we do... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 101
144674 Can allowing too much freedom sometimes lead to problems? Why or... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 73
144673 In what ways do your interests influence your goals? 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 2510
144672 How should parents support their children\'s playtime? 오*영 완료 2025-06-19 82
144671 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 74
144670 homework 이*민 완료 2025-06-19 96
144669 0618 IELTS writing Task1 homework 송*유 완료 2025-06-18 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]