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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How does tourism help the local economy?

작성자: 정*영
2025-07-04 313

회원님의 영작문

Last week I went to the trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.
We had stayed in many accommodation at area nearby ocean which were located far from crowed place, like Seoul.
During the trip, We went around many good place, where the food was good, people behaved very kindly.
But, the unforgetabble moment was seeing the picturesque view in fornt of the terrace at the cafe.
For these good memories, we had good energy and mind to come again next time.
That time peole told us that we are happy now when touris come to our village,they hope to stay this situation everyday.
Because they want to meet the people and talk very loudly with them, these action give energy them, also they earn money for selling their mechandise to tourists.I think that it is important to flow their old market.
So in my opinion, tourist help to manage the market and local people life to spend thier time and money, but tourist also get the precious mind to experinece their lives.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Gloria!

Thank you so much for sharing your writing, it was a joy to read! You've written a beautiful and emotionally rich response that really captures the positive effects of tourism on local communities. One of the things I appreciate most is the personal story you shared about your trip with your husband. Including this kind of real-life experience helps make your writing feel alive, relatable, and memorable. It also clearly supports your main point: that tourism is not just about money, but about creating joyful connections between people.

You’ve also done very well in expressing complex ideas. For example, the way you explained that local people “get energy” from meeting tourists shows a deep understanding of human connection and community spirit. You’ve gone beyond basic economic reasons and brought in emotional and cultural benefits, which shows maturity in your thinking. The sentence “tourists help to manage the market and local people life to spend their time and money, but tourists also get the precious mind to experience their lives” is especially thoughtful. With a few small adjustments in grammar and phrasing, this sentence would be a standout!

I’d also like to praise your use of vocabulary. Words like “picturesque,” “unforgettable,” and “merchandise” show that you are stretching your vocabulary in the right direction. “Picturesque,” in particular, is an excellent word choice. It is specific, descriptive, and shows your growing comfort with more advanced English. These kinds of word choices really elevate your writing and help you express your ideas more clearly and colorfully.

Your essay also shows good paragraph structure and a clear progression of ideas. You start with your personal experience, move into the reaction from the local people, and then end with your opinion, this is a very logical and effective way to organize your writing. With continued practice, your grammar and sentence fluency will improve naturally. Keep paying attention to verb tense (for example: "We had stayed" → "We stayed") and article usage ("the trip" or "a trip" instead of just "trip"), and over time, those small things will become easier and more natural for you.

Overall, I want to say: You’re doing really well. This writing shows heart, awareness, and the ability to reflect deeply. Your message is sincere and clear, and your use of vocabulary shows that you are not afraid to challenge yourself. Please continue writing like this, it’s how real growth happens. You are developing both as an English writer and a thoughtful communicator. I’m so proud of your progress, keep going, and always believe in your voice

~Teacher Cathy

 

Last week I went to the trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.

>>Last week, I went on a trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.

We had stayed in many accommodation at area nearby ocean which were located far from crowed place, like Seoul.

>>We stayed in several accommodations near the ocean, located far from crowded places like Seoul.

During the trip, We went around many good place, where the food was good, people behaved very kindly.

>>During the trip, we visited many nice places where the food was delicious and the people were very kind.

But, the unforgetabble moment was seeing the picturesque view in fornt of the terrace at the cafe.

>>But the most unforgettable moment was seeing the picturesque view from the terrace at the café.

For these good memories, we had good energy and mind to come again next time.

>>CORRECT

OR>>These good memories gave us positive energy and made us want to visit again next time.

That time peole told us that we are happy now when touris come to our village,they hope to stay this situation everyday.

>>At that time, people told us that they feel happy now that tourists come to their village, and they hope this situation continues every day.

Because they want to meet the people and talk very loudly with them, these action give energy them, also they earn money for selling their mechandise to tourists.

>>They want to meet people and talk loudly with them—these actions give them energy. Also, they earn money by selling their merchandise to tourists.

I think that it is important to flow their old market.

>>I think it’s important to keep their traditional market going.

So in my opinion, tourist help to manage the market and local people life to spend thier time and money, but tourist also get the precious mind to experinece their lives.

>> So, in my opinion, tourism helps support the market and local people’s lives by giving them time and money, but tourists also gain something valuable by experiencing their way of life.

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