무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How does tourism help the local economy?

작성자: 정*영
2025-07-04 54

회원님의 영작문

Last week I went to the trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.
We had stayed in many accommodation at area nearby ocean which were located far from crowed place, like Seoul.
During the trip, We went around many good place, where the food was good, people behaved very kindly.
But, the unforgetabble moment was seeing the picturesque view in fornt of the terrace at the cafe.
For these good memories, we had good energy and mind to come again next time.
That time peole told us that we are happy now when touris come to our village,they hope to stay this situation everyday.
Because they want to meet the people and talk very loudly with them, these action give energy them, also they earn money for selling their mechandise to tourists.I think that it is important to flow their old market.
So in my opinion, tourist help to manage the market and local people life to spend thier time and money, but tourist also get the precious mind to experinece their lives.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Gloria!

Thank you so much for sharing your writing, it was a joy to read! You've written a beautiful and emotionally rich response that really captures the positive effects of tourism on local communities. One of the things I appreciate most is the personal story you shared about your trip with your husband. Including this kind of real-life experience helps make your writing feel alive, relatable, and memorable. It also clearly supports your main point: that tourism is not just about money, but about creating joyful connections between people.

You’ve also done very well in expressing complex ideas. For example, the way you explained that local people “get energy” from meeting tourists shows a deep understanding of human connection and community spirit. You’ve gone beyond basic economic reasons and brought in emotional and cultural benefits, which shows maturity in your thinking. The sentence “tourists help to manage the market and local people life to spend their time and money, but tourists also get the precious mind to experience their lives” is especially thoughtful. With a few small adjustments in grammar and phrasing, this sentence would be a standout!

I’d also like to praise your use of vocabulary. Words like “picturesque,” “unforgettable,” and “merchandise” show that you are stretching your vocabulary in the right direction. “Picturesque,” in particular, is an excellent word choice. It is specific, descriptive, and shows your growing comfort with more advanced English. These kinds of word choices really elevate your writing and help you express your ideas more clearly and colorfully.

Your essay also shows good paragraph structure and a clear progression of ideas. You start with your personal experience, move into the reaction from the local people, and then end with your opinion, this is a very logical and effective way to organize your writing. With continued practice, your grammar and sentence fluency will improve naturally. Keep paying attention to verb tense (for example: "We had stayed" → "We stayed") and article usage ("the trip" or "a trip" instead of just "trip"), and over time, those small things will become easier and more natural for you.

Overall, I want to say: You’re doing really well. This writing shows heart, awareness, and the ability to reflect deeply. Your message is sincere and clear, and your use of vocabulary shows that you are not afraid to challenge yourself. Please continue writing like this, it’s how real growth happens. You are developing both as an English writer and a thoughtful communicator. I’m so proud of your progress, keep going, and always believe in your voice

~Teacher Cathy

 

Last week I went to the trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.

>>Last week, I went on a trip with my husband for sightseeing and fishing.

We had stayed in many accommodation at area nearby ocean which were located far from crowed place, like Seoul.

>>We stayed in several accommodations near the ocean, located far from crowded places like Seoul.

During the trip, We went around many good place, where the food was good, people behaved very kindly.

>>During the trip, we visited many nice places where the food was delicious and the people were very kind.

But, the unforgetabble moment was seeing the picturesque view in fornt of the terrace at the cafe.

>>But the most unforgettable moment was seeing the picturesque view from the terrace at the café.

For these good memories, we had good energy and mind to come again next time.

>>CORRECT

OR>>These good memories gave us positive energy and made us want to visit again next time.

That time peole told us that we are happy now when touris come to our village,they hope to stay this situation everyday.

>>At that time, people told us that they feel happy now that tourists come to their village, and they hope this situation continues every day.

Because they want to meet the people and talk very loudly with them, these action give energy them, also they earn money for selling their mechandise to tourists.

>>They want to meet people and talk loudly with them—these actions give them energy. Also, they earn money by selling their merchandise to tourists.

I think that it is important to flow their old market.

>>I think it’s important to keep their traditional market going.

So in my opinion, tourist help to manage the market and local people life to spend thier time and money, but tourist also get the precious mind to experinece their lives.

>> So, in my opinion, tourism helps support the market and local people’s lives by giving them time and money, but tourists also gain something valuable by experiencing their way of life.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144593 Why is overindulging in food not good? 김*진 완료 2025-06-13 134
144592 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-06-13 212
144591 Homework 송*진 완료 2025-06-13 1
144590 I think it\'s okay not to be honest. 유*빈 완료 2025-06-13 383
144589 Why do some people avoid eye contact when greeting? 오*솜 완료 2025-06-13 0
144588 homework 박*욱 완료 2025-06-13 130
144587 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-13 139
144586 Homework 김*진 완료 2025-06-13 0
144585 homework 이*민 완료 2025-06-13 142
144584 Homework for today 엄*린 완료 2025-06-12 2
144583 About the fruits 민*기 완료 2025-06-12 4
144582 homework 박*욱 완료 2025-06-12 149
144581 Talk about the most recent article or news that you have read or... 김*환 완료 2025-06-12 144
144580 What do you want to include in your ideal fitness program? 여*찬 완료 2025-06-12 0
144579 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-12 136
144578 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-12 153
144577 homework 신*라 완료 2025-06-12 137
144576 What food did you try when you went to Hungary? 이*훈 완료 2025-06-12 119
144575 In your opinion, what can be done to prevent wars from breaking... 오*영 완료 2025-06-12 114
144574 What are some ways companies contribute to helping society?... 조*수 완료 2025-06-12 166

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]