무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Writing homework

작성자: 박*원
2025-07-06 39

회원님의 영작문



Hi, Gemma. Did you rest well? See you tomorrow :)

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi there! I had a busy weekend Ji Won! Thanks for asking ;) What about you? I hope you had a great time with Aiden and your puppy. Thanks for your effort in doing your essay.  You provide both sides of the argument, which is excellent for a balanced essay. You've also given strong examples, especially the cultural references. See you later!

>>> TEACHER GEMMA

It is a common belief that the goal of education is making individuals do specific roles for society.

REVISED: It is a common belief that the goal of education is to prepare individuals for specific roles in society.


 However, there is a more persuasive argument that the purpose of education is to help people to make their targets and get them. 

REVISED: However, a more persuasive argument is that the purpose of education is to help people set and achieve their goals.


This is because people should pursue their individualities and lives, while they are composing the society.

REVISED: This is because people should pursue their individuality and personal lives while contributing to society.


On the one hand, there are some essential people for society, so school should aim to help students to be valuable for society. 

REVISED: On the one hand, some roles are essential for society, so schools should aim to help students become valuable contributors.


For example, doctors, teachers or fire fighters play a vital role in society. Thanks to their help and efforts, our society can make productive results which are beneficial to patients, students, or someone.

REVISED: For example, doctors, teachers, and firefighters play vital roles in society. Thanks to their efforts, society can function effectively, benefiting patients, students, and the public.


On the other hand, I support the idea that helping individuals to achieve their ambitions should be the purpose of education.

REVISED: On the other hand, I believe that helping individuals achieve their ambitions should be the primary purpose of education.


 Education is the way of searching student’s interests and abilities and developing them.

REVISED: Education allows students to explore their interests and abilities and develop them.


 Moreover, sometimes achieving their goal can help for society.

REVISED: Moreover, achieving personal goals can sometimes benefit society.


 In terms of entertaining, K-pop and Squid Game are the examples.

REVISED: In the field of entertainment, K-pop and Squid Game are strong examples.


 To be specific, Republic of Korea is known for Gangnam style which is a song of a Korean singer, BTS and Squid Game. 

REVISED: Specifically, South Korea is known for “Gangnam Style” by PSY, BTS, and Squid Game.


All the examples are outcome of personal creativity. 

REVISED: All of these are the result of personal creativity.


In conclusion, when it comes to education, pursuing individual’s ambitions is effective on both society and themselves.

REVISED: In conclusion, when it comes to education, supporting individuals in pursuing their ambitions benefits both society and the individual.


To sum up, while it is apparent that making students become useful people is needed for society, it is undeniable that in education, the purpose should be helping individuals to achieve their goals.

REVISED: To sum up, while it is clear that preparing students to contribute to society is important, the primary purpose of education should be to help individuals achieve their personal goals.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
144693 wish to be an actor 권*미 완료 2025-06-20 77
144692 0619 IELTS writing Task1 homework 송*유 완료 2025-06-19 0
144691 Why is your arm in a cast? Write about it. 차*진 완료 2025-06-19 87
144690 What do older kids enjoy playing with the most? Explain. 차*진 완료 2025-06-19 86
144689 What kind of people are there in your city? 차*진 완료 2025-06-19 60
144688 homework 김*우 완료 2025-06-19 1
144687 When was the last time you went to the beach? What activities... 김*환 완료 2025-06-19 85
144686 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 63
144685 숙제 최*영 완료 2025-06-19 84
144684 Homework 이*은 완료 2025-06-19 1
144683 What stories about your best friend would you like to share? 차*혁 완료 2025-06-19 70
144682 ㅣ 조*희 완료 2025-06-19 75
144681 What kind of support do you think single-person households might... 여*찬 완료 2025-06-19 0
144680 Smiling 민*기 완료 2025-06-19 1
144679 What do you think makes a visitor feel welcome? Explain. 조*수 완료 2025-06-19 128
144678 Aside from the language barrier, what challenges did you face as... 이*훈 완료 2025-06-19 67
144677 What other cultural practices do you do in the Summer? 이*희 완료 2025-06-19 80
144676 What do you think companies could do to keep their staff from... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 86
144675 What is the importance of taking care of nature? What can we do... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 104
144674 Can allowing too much freedom sometimes lead to problems? Why or... 이*태 완료 2025-06-19 75

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]