¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

My homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*µµ
2025-07-06 152

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

HOMEWORK: At what age would you like to retire?

In honestly, i wanna retire in 70 years old.
Some People say that you save money until 55 years old, and then retire 60 years old. After that, you have to increase your saved money by investing stocks or bit coins. But these method so dangerous. I have seen many people who consume their money for meaningless. With great power comes great responsibility. I don't want to take big responsibility. I just have peaceful retire life.
So, to that end, i really need longer working time, special skill, and lots of money.
In my case, my appropriate retirement season is 70 years old.
I have personal wish. i wonder that i get a job asap for my fast end :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Alex!
I appreciate your time writing your composition~ I read them all, and 70 is quite a long wait for me... If I had the choice, I would like to retire now HAHAHAH... But yeah, we need to consider our  capability in sustaining our needs before we think of retiring... hahaha
Chammy
In honestly, i wanna retire in 70 years old.
>> In honesty, I would like to retire at 70 years old.
Some People say that you save money until 55 years old, and then retire 60 years old.
>> Some people say that you have to save money until 55 years old, then retire at 60.
 After that, you have to increase your saved money by investing stocks or bit coins.
>> After that, you have to increase your savings by investing in stocks and bitcoins.
 But these method so dangerous. I have seen many people who consume their money for meaningless.
>> But these methods are risky. I have seen many people who spent their money on meaningless things.
 With great power comes great responsibility. I don't want to take big responsibility. I just have peaceful retire life.
>> With great power comes great responsibility, but no one likes big responsibilities. In my case, I just want to have a peaceful retirement.
So, to that end, i really need longer working time, special skill, and lots of money.
>> So at the end, I really need to work longer, acquire special skills, and make a lot of money.
In my case, my appropriate retirement season is 70 years old.
>> For me, the appropriate retirement age is 70 years old.
I have personal wish. i wonder that i get a job asap for my fast end :)
>> I have a personal wish, but I wonder if I could get a job to expedite reaching my goal.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144110 You mentioned watching Les Miserables today in our class, what... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-15 703
144109 hw Àü*Çâ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-15 2
144108 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-15 752
144107 These days, I think many times about performance of colleagues ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-05-15 758
144106 Do you like shopping? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 1
144105 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 0
144104 In your view, is it possible to have both a fulfilling career... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 768
144103 Should car manufacturers be required to install alcohol... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 761
144102 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 720
144101 Can you tell me about an unforgettable thing that you have seen?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 720
144100 Is it always good to take \"emergency medicines\"? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 1
144099 What hobbies do men prefer? Which hobbies do women especially... ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 3
144098 How can companies protect their customers¡¯ data from being... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 0
144097 Yes, I have seen a shark. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 777
144096 Is taking up a new hobby important in life? Why? ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 4
144095 0513 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 0
144094 In what ways has technology changed how your family interacts? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 759
144093 The homework for 14th May. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 680
144092 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 0
144091 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-14 650

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04