¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people today are more stressed at work than in the past? why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿À*¿µ
2025-07-08 1009

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Stella, 
As always, thank you for taking the time to respond to this essay. 😊
I agree with you, health is the most important aspect of our lives.
We should take good care of ourselves and always prioritize our health.
See you in a bit! 😊
- Teacher Elly~


I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
>> I think these days, people have many different types of jobs.

So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
>> So they can choose the job they want, except me.

According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
>> 
According to an article, many young people quit their jobs easily.

In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
>> 
In my opinion, the reason is that they don't have patience for hard work or difficult situations.

I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
>> I believe this phenomenon is not bad.

I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.
>> I feel like our health is more important than anything else these days.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143522 When do you usually give gifts in your country ? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1080
143521 What was the last piece of good news you heard? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1040
143520 Why do you think that celebrities make bad choices sometimes? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 3
143519 0408 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 5
143518 2025.04.09 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1084
143517 What advice would you give someone starting a new job? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1
143516 2025.04.08 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1361
143515 Talk about a country where you want to experience living in for... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1132
143514 Tesla modular tiny house ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1149
143513 If there is only one language in the world? ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1498
143512 Do you think fashion shows a person¡¯s personality? What kind of... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 1
143511 Do you think culture shock is a good or bad experience? Why?... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 0
143510 Do you think fashion shows a person¡¯s personality? What kind of... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 0
143509 4/8 Hoework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-09 2
143508 How can people maintain good health? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1138
143507 Which part of your childhood you wish you could change? Á¶*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1241
143506 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1354
143505 What is the purpose of art? What are the reasons we visit art... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1
143504 What\'s the national habitat of humans? Describe. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1176
143503 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-08 1272

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04