¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people today are more stressed at work than in the past? why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿À*¿µ
2025-07-08 1101

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Stella, 
As always, thank you for taking the time to respond to this essay. 😊
I agree with you, health is the most important aspect of our lives.
We should take good care of ourselves and always prioritize our health.
See you in a bit! 😊
- Teacher Elly~


I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
>> I think these days, people have many different types of jobs.

So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
>> So they can choose the job they want, except me.

According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
>> 
According to an article, many young people quit their jobs easily.

In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
>> 
In my opinion, the reason is that they don't have patience for hard work or difficult situations.

I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
>> I believe this phenomenon is not bad.

I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.
>> I feel like our health is more important than anything else these days.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143443 Can emojis change the tone of a message, and how do you feel... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-06 3
143442 What do you think are the biggest challenges in collaborating... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 2
143441 What¡¯s your favorite thing about your home? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 1021
143440 3/26 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 1
143439 3/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-05 1
143438 3/21 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 3
143437 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 0
143436 What was the best spring season memory you have? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1005
143435 Daily routine ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1206
143434 Sleep well ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1098
143433 Allergy ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1402
143432 Do you think demonstrations are a good way to express opinions?... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 910
143431 What is one place in your city that holds special memories for... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1
143430 Can emojis change the tone of a message, and how do you feel... ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1
143429 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1104
143428 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1081
143427 No, I don\'t like cats. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1031
143426 What kind of change would you like to see in your political... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1376
143425 perks ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1137
143424 Have you considered the weight of the violin when choosing one? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-04 1398

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04