¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think people today are more stressed at work than in the past? why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿À*¿µ
2025-07-08 524

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Stella, 
As always, thank you for taking the time to respond to this essay. 😊
I agree with you, health is the most important aspect of our lives.
We should take good care of ourselves and always prioritize our health.
See you in a bit! 😊
- Teacher Elly~


I think these days people have a lot of types of job.
>> I think these days, people have many different types of jobs.

So,they can choose their job what they want to.Except me.
>> So they can choose the job they want, except me.

According to an article, many young people quit their job easily.
>> 
According to an article, many young people quit their jobs easily.

In my opinion, The reason is that they doesn¡¯t need to patience,like hard work or situations that they can¡¯t endure.
>> 
In my opinion, the reason is that they don't have patience for hard work or difficult situations.

I believe this phenomenone is not bad.
>> I believe this phenomenon is not bad.

I feel like our health is more important than other ones these days.
>> I feel like our health is more important than anything else these days.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143584 0410 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143583 What do you think is the best way to stay focused before a break? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2
143582 09Apr2025-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1277
143581 Celebrity ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1154
143580 Does Korea rely too much on the U.S. for trade and defense? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1053
143579 crack down ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1185
143578 What Korean culture or tradition would you like to continue to... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1100
143577 opic test question ¼®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143576 Are you satisfied with the changes happening around you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 972
143575 Describe your dream house. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1153
143574 How can people convince you to believe something? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1239
143573 What activities disrupt a healthy lifestyle? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 946
143572 Next topic ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1079
143571 IELTS SPEAKING 4 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2
143570 IELTS SPEAKING3 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143569 IELTS SPEAKING2 Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143568 IELTS SPEAKING Àü*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 2
143567 Do you think health care should be free? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1
143566 How confident are you in Korea¡¯s current diplomatic strategies? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-11 1127
143565 How does your hobby help you in your life? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-10 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04