¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think technology helps or hurts our sleep? How?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Èñ
2025-07-18 80

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life. But we need to use it properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Lydia!
Thank you for your thoughtful writing! You made some great points. Just a few tips: watch for article use (¡°a tool,¡± not ¡°tool¡±), and try to match plurals correctly (like ¡°technologies¡± with ¡°them¡±). You're doing a great job. Keep it up!
~~Teacher Kate

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
>>I think we will get different results depending on how we use them.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life.
>>Most technologies have been invented to help people¡¯s lives.
But we need to use it properly.
>>CORRECT!
>>OR: But we need to use them properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
>>Let¡¯s take using a cell phone as an example.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
>>If we use a cell phone before sleeping, it won¡¯t help us get good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
>>But we must not judge that the cell phone is harmful based on that case alone.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
>>The cell phone is a very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.
>> It is important to remember that technology is not to blame, we are, because we are the users.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144505 What is the importance of taking care of nature? What can we do... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 318
144504 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 227
144503 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 2
144502 Amazon rainforest ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 5
144501 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 307
144500 What could be the advantage of having an RSVP? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 248
144499 Which greeting kind of annoys you? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 0
144498 Can allowing too much freedom sometimes lead to problems? Why or... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 1
144497 Do you think people learn better from experience or from books?... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 318
144496 The Amazon Rainforest À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 240
144495 Homework ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 1
144494 Homework ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 4
144493 HOMEWORK ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 1
144492 How can we encourage more youth to participate in elections and... ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 315
144491 What is your philosophy in life? ¿À*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 6
144490 homework ¹Ú*¿í ¿Ï·á 2025-06-09 413
144489 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-08 304
144488 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-08 1
144487 What challenges have you faced when trying to follow directions... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-07 3
144486 What makes a documentary engaging? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-07 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04