¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think technology helps or hurts our sleep? How?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÃÖ*Èñ
2025-07-18 196

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life. But we need to use it properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Lydia!
Thank you for your thoughtful writing! You made some great points. Just a few tips: watch for article use (¡°a tool,¡± not ¡°tool¡±), and try to match plurals correctly (like ¡°technologies¡± with ¡°them¡±). You're doing a great job. Keep it up!
~~Teacher Kate

I think we will get different result depends on how we use.
>>I think we will get different results depending on how we use them.
Most of technologies have been invented to help people's life.
>>Most technologies have been invented to help people¡¯s lives.
But we need to use it properly.
>>CORRECT!
>>OR: But we need to use them properly.
Let's say that using a cell phone.
>>Let¡¯s take using a cell phone as an example.
If we use a cell phone before getting sleep then it can't be help for us to get a good sleep.
>>If we use a cell phone before sleeping, it won¡¯t help us get good sleep.
But we must not judge that the cell phone is very harmful for us with that case.
>>But we must not judge that the cell phone is harmful based on that case alone.
The cell phone is very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
>>The cell phone is a very useful tool when we utilize it properly.
It is very important that the technologies are not guilty, but we are because the users are us.
>> It is important to remember that technology is not to blame, we are, because we are the users.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144230 Do you feel safe when using the internet? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-22 1
144229 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 0
144228 dd ±è*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1
144227 What do you think are the main reasons some people still... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 874
144226 Can a nation¡¯s economic policy influence its international... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 843
144225 What is the most popular amusement park in your country, and why... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 884
144224 What do you do if you can¡¯t reach a company¡¯s customer service? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 0
144223 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1
144222 New4 ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1547
144221 New3 ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 883
144220 New2 ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 838
144219 New1 ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 882
144218 What is the importance of family? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 0
144217 Do you find studying English stressful? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1
144216 Is it fair for foreigners to buy land in Korea when Koreans... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 990
144215 0520 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 0
144214 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1
144213 What does the rise of sologamy say about changing roles for... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1027
144212 The homework for 21st May. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 903
144211 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-05-21 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04