¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What places do you want to visit someday?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Çõ
2025-07-20 8

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to visit places is Finland because Santa is in the Finland Sant village.
So I want to go to the Finland in December.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Jimmy.  Please take a look at the corrections below. 


Cheers,
Jean~~




                              


                                What places do you want to visit someday?



I want to visit places is Finland because Santa is in the Finland Sant village.
>>> The place I want to visit is Finland because Santa lives in Santa Claus Village. 

So I want to go to the Finland in December.
>>> That¡¯s why I want to go there in December.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
145240 Getting things done on time N ±Ç*¹Ì ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-24 0
145239 What are some good ways to apologize if you hurt someone¡¯s... ¿©*Âù ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-23 0
145238 Homework!! ¹Ú*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 0
145237 Page 6 ÇÑ*¿¬ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-23 0
145236 Why do you think the ¡°godsaeng¡± lifestyle has become so... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 2
145235 homework ±è*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-23 0
145234 Homework! ¹Ú*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 3
145233 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 2
145232 Can a ceasefire truly bring peace without addressing root causes... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 2
145231 Absent ÀÓ*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 2
145230 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-23 0
145229 The homework for 22nd July. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 4
145228 H ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 3
145227 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 4
145226 Do you think K-pop accurately shows or represents Korean culture? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 7
145225 influence ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 1
145224 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-23 4
145223 My favorite bird is \'parrot\'. À¯*ºó ÁøÇàÁß 2025-07-23 7
145222 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 0
145221 07/22 Homework ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-22 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04