¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Finding what is important

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ø
2025-08-06 81

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there Un! Thanks for your essay! Your idea is valid and interesting opinion, but the meaning is sometimes unclear due to grammar and sentence structure. Check out some revisons. See you!
TEACHER GEMMA
I think that is negative competition Because university should be student can finding it that they want
But If student was received low test score sudent couldn't get to favorit major in University
REVISED VERSION: I think this is a negative form of competition. University should be a place where students can study what they truly want. However, if a student receives a low test score, they often cannot enter their favorite major.

And than , nowadays people changing the perspective of University Because they only want to University name , not care of major
REVISED VERSION: 
These days, many people choose universities based only on their name or reputation, rather than focusing on the major they are interested in.

It is more competition situation was made to forget what is the most important
REVISED VERSION: As a result, students may forget what is really important.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144904 What are your thoughts on couples going Dutch? ¼Õ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-03 5
144903 Can you be friends with someone very different from you? Why or... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 324
144902 What¡¯s more important for a manager: experience or education? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 0
144901 Can you think of a time when your morale was very high? What... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 0
144900 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 368
144899 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 1
144898 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 368
144897 a birthday present ¹Î*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 2
144896 The homework for 2nd July. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 345
144895 I want to receive various kinds of rice cakes. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 324
144894 Do you believe in palm reading, or other forms of fortune... ÀÓ* ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 3
144893 Do you think students today face more academic pressure than in... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 304
144892 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 1
144891 H ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 4
144890 What genre of movies or dramas do you enjoy? Why do you like... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 357
144889 speech ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 2
144888 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 350
144887 how to avoid common parenting mistakes ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 330
144886 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 1
144885 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-07-02 325

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04